Never a McBride.

Posted By: Smitty


Sorry, I hid all the eye bleach...


Diehard fans of the Columbus Crew have a lot of nicknames for former number one man and current enemy number one, Brian McBride. To name a few -

- McHead
- BMB
- Bake
- McJudas

That last one comes courtesy of Mr. McBride's decision to spurn Columbus (that fair city on a hill), for Chicago, not only a city of mobsters, corrupt politicos, and 97 mile traffic backups, but also the home of one of the Columbus Crew's arch enemies, the Chicago Fire.

Uggh...hang on...

(MPBGHRRRRRPH!)

Sorry. Just typing those two words together in a non-historical context makes me throw up in my mouth. I don't recall eating any fish today. Curious. Anyway...

So if you've not been sufficiently caught up, McJudas came back from England, ignored Columbus' phone calls (or as his agent says, his cell phone was broken. Ooops. I'm sure it would have been working if Larissa F.C. was calling), and signed with the bad guys. The very same bad guys who come to Columbus for the Eastern Conference Finals tonight. To be sure, McBride has a high probability to gain a few nicknames from the fans during the game, based on the way he plays. Whichever way the game goes though, I can guarantee I can't print most of the things he will be called tonight.

However, if McBride and the Fire become a part of the trend that is the Crew defeating opponents at home in 2008, it will mark the fifth time in McBride's storied career that he has gotten to the doorstep of MLS Cup, knocked on the door, and been told, "Hey, sorry buddy, we're all full tonight. Try back later..."

Some will quickly point out that on all four previous occasions, McBride was a Columbus Crew cat, and did all he could to get the Crew over the hump. In fact, some will argue since McBride went on to England and had a successful stint at Fulham (or F.C. U.S.A.), it's highly probable that the Crew teams lost in spite of McBride, not because of him. All of these points are valid, fair, and well-reasoned. But there is one glaring fact that cannot be ignored if the Fire loses: a trend will have emerged. Brian McBride, during a period of time that has extended over 12 seasons and 5 professional teams, will have yet to play in a league championship game.

Maybe instead of McBride, we should call him "McBridesmaid."

I know, I know, chickens have not hatched, horses don't go in front of carts, and the "Jump" to Conclusions Mat (TM) should never be brought out before the fat lady starts warming up. Still, there's a good chance that the common thread of all the Crew losses in the Eastern Conference Finals can be traced back to one guy. And that guy, for right or wrong, isn't going to be on the field tonight for the Crew.

In all honesty, would you want him?

Look, I will be the first in line to welcome McBridesmaid back once he takes off the Best Buy jersey, and goes into the hall wearing a Columbus Crew Adidas Skully. But he's not right for this team. He would clog up the middle for Guillermo, a guy who knows a thing about championships. He would get in the way of Alejandro Moreno, one of the best holding forwards playing on U.S. soil (plus, coaches would have a hard time telling them both to stop trying to "outwork" each other). The Crew is finally playing the ball on the ground; Bake does his best work in the air. The Crew has a group of guys who know that no one person is any more important than the rest of the team. Sure, BMB knows that better than anyone, but would guys like Brad Evans and Robbie Rogers have been intimidated about playing in the shadow of the MLS poster child and EPL veteran? Maybe. Would the Crew be better off with McBride back in the fold? If the chemistry the team has is any indication, probably not. He's not a bad guy; he's just not one of the guys who everyone doubted.

But ladies and gentleman, tonight, Brian McBride IS walking through that door. Only he's walking in with the enemy. The Crew are looking at a chance to rid themselves of 12 seasons of failed aspirations by making this 13th season the one to remember. And they can do it against the guy we'd all rather just forget.

Piss on the Fire, and let’s go Crew.

(And if the Crew prevails, I will be making "McBridesmaid" t-shirts for everyone.)