Morning Afterthoughts: The Logic of Frankie

Posted by: Smitty



Before a soaked crowd of 15,000+ in rain-drenched Gillette Stadium, the Columbus Crew beat the New England Revolution 1-0, taking all six possible points from the Boston boys in the month of September. Along with those points, the Crew left Massachusets with a few other things in their possesion:

- The inside track on homefield advantage in the playoffs
- Ditto on the Supporter's Shield
- A lock of Shalrie Joesph's hair
- About 12 gallons of water from Hurrican Kyle, once all the uniforms were wrung out
- Another clean sheet by William Hesmer and the defense
- One more ticket sold for the L.A. Galaxy game

That last bit comes courtesy of Franklin Hejduk. He made a play that all of Crew Nation enjoyed for a split second before realizing its consequences. After getting stoned on a rifle shot, which was collected by Matt Reis, Hejduk ran up behind Reis and tried to kick the ball out of his hands. Immediately, the appropriate colored card emerged form the ref's hip pocket, and since it was the second Banana-colored card for Hejduk in the game, he was sent to the showers. At the time, this meant the Crew had to hold a tenuous, 1-goal lead for the bulk of 30 minutes to gain the full 3 points. It didn't look good, and many were wondering what Frankie was thinking.

Then the Crew went out, played as well as any 10 men can given the circumstances, and got the 3 points. A more cautious (and obviously, less intelligent) fan would say that it was still a poor judgment by our team captian, but fortunately it all worked out.

Rubbish. Frankie had a lapse in his judgement? Please. The man has been around the block, and knows exactly what he's doing when he's on the field. I'm not buying the "he lost his head" moment, not for a second. Instead, I believe Frankie was executing a perfect plan to set the stage for the most important two months of the Crew's history.

Number one, Frankie knows better than any of us what's going down on the field. Certainly, he felt the Crew were more than capable of handling the suddenly anemic Revolution without him. Further, he knew that the guys could get big heads if they whupped on the Revs agin by a score of 3 or 4 to 0. So, instead of keeping the team at full strength, he figured he would level up the playing field, and make the boys work hard for those last 30 minutes.

But that's only part of the reason Frankie took the 2nd yellow. He also did it to get a much-deserved break next week, against the woeful L.A. Galaxy. Knowing the game will have little bearing on the playoffs, Frankie obviously decided that,since the rest of Columbus hasn't seen fit to come out to Crew Stadium this season, when they finally show up for Beckham, he'll return the favor, and not be on the field. It may be a message very few if any of the soccer moms will get, but it's a message nonetheless, dammit.

Also, one has to believe that Frankie has come to enjoy his postgame sip of brew from the supporters, to the point that he decided it was about time he hung out with us for the whole game. And since his only two options were this game or the D.C. match, he could finally afford to take a much-needed staycation to Columbus Crew Stadium. Don't believe me? Witness Sigi Schmid, who, after 30 minutes of thinking about Frankie's idea, decided to order up a bleacher seat for himself this weekend as well, getting ejected near the end of the game for verbally assaulting the ref. Clearly, the Nordecke is becoming an alluring proposition for the organization's elite. Perhaps, Mr. McCullers won't even need the Preident's box next season...

But surely, the final and most obvious reason Frankie nearly took Reis's foot off on the restart had nothing to do with retaliation. It's all about the mental edge.

Let's be honest; everyone's initial reaction to Frankie's foul was something along the lines of "What the hell was that?!?". But that's just what Hejduk wanted. Everyone already knows Frankie is a bad ass. He'll cut you back, he'll tackle you with two feet, he'll run you down and make you say uncle. Oh, and now? He'll also take your goalie down from behind. What next? Maybe he'll slide tackle the official, headbutt your coach, or take down your over-priced forward, rip his head off, hollow out the deceased's skull, and use it as a spitoon. The sky is the limit, the opposition will think, because Frankie Hejduk is crazy.

Crazy like a fox, I say.

When Frankie take the field, keepers will be looking over their shoulder. When Frankie takes the field, women will hide their children, especially the ones clad in all-Beckham gear. When Frankie takes the field, any number of very bad things could happen next. You thought he wouldn't go there? Oh, he'll go there, girlfriend. And that's the point. For the rest of the season, Frankie has put the league on notice. They'll be looking for him to cause some kind of yet-to-be-seen havoc. And instead of havoc, Frankie will stroll up to forwards who are quivering in their boots, and take the ball off their feet. It will be stealing candy from a baby, or in the case of Taylor Twellman, an overpriced bitch.

Too bad they don't know, Gino Padula is the one you REALLY have to worry about. After all, it was Gino who brought the Crew's hardware from Toronto down to the lobby of the hotel to let the supporter's drink out of it.

THAT, my friends, is truly crazy. But Frankie? He's just massive, as always.