Smitty's Morning Afterthoughts: 1 down, 3 to go.

Last night on the field, D.C. showed us all that while they may have been a let down on the field, some of their players proved they would reign supreme over the Crew players in the blogosphere. I mean, in just one 90-minute span, D.C. posted three times, while the Crew only posted once.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....HAHAHAHAHA.....HAHAHA....HEHE....*tear*....hehe....*ahem*...Ah, that felt good.

But in all seriousness, how bad must it suck to be a D.C. fan? Before the game, you have to hand over the Supporter's Shield, reaffirming that your season didn't go the way you'd hoped; during the game, your team, which had to win to get into the playoffs, butchers every chance they have, including a trifecta of posters; Brad Evans, who gets in done down on the farm, scores what one MLS coach (okay, it was his own) calls the goal of the year; Brian Carrol, who you gave away for nothing, rubs all his nastiness in your face before hoisting the same Supporter's Shield he helped you win last year.

And to top it off, after the game, you have to drive back to Fallujah, errr, Washington D.C. But hey, on the brightside, at least you didn't make like Toronto fans and parade through the streets before getting bounced from the playoffs.

Crew fans, on the other hand, found yet another thing to celebrate last night. For the first time in Nordecke history, someone named Clark Hunt not only witnessed our Massive section, but he actually compared it to a World Cup atmosphere. From Fighting Canary Orinthologist and Massive Dispatch Columnist Michael Arace's superlative column:

Clark Hunt: "At one point during the game, my brother and I were standing on the stage there and we both said the same thing: 'Boy, this is just like being at a World Cup game.' Now, it's not quite as big, but it had that same feel."

By the way, Clarkie fails to mention that right after that, both of their eyes glazed over and turned into dollar signs at the thought that the Crew could fill that stadium every week with a team this good.

Shawn Mitchell also did a bang-up job, getting the Hunt heir on record about how he feels about moving the Black and Gold:

"We think Columbus can continue to be one of the cornerstone franchises in this league. The best way to state it directly is to say that I'm confident the Columbus Crew will be playing in Columbus, Ohio, for at least the next 50 years."

That's refreshing to hear. Now, this doesn't mean I believe I'll be 76 before I hear another peep about the Crew ever packing up and leaving town, but at least we have a the Hunt who runs the show saying he's cool with Columbus. To put it another way, you could say he's "For the 6-1-4." Or that's he'd "Go Gay for the Short North" (hey, who wouldn't!?) The point here is that next season, if some idiot Toronto fan gets pippy about the Crew moving, we can point to the guy in charge of calling the movers, and remind them he's "all 'bout Bexley", or "Lusty for Linden-McKinley" (again, who isn't?!), or whichever clever voter-registering slogan you prefer.

But last night was about more than showcasing everyone's love for our Massive Banana. It was about uniting the old with the new. The Crew dropped one of it's staunchest playoff foes, making like Parkside for many Black and Gold faithful who had drunken the haterade over the last few years, believing there was no reason to come back to the first SSS in U.S. history (by the way, the healing begins the minute you call 447-CREW. Ask for Avin.) But at the same time the Crew were winning back their old fans with a D.C. smackdown, they were creating an army of new fans. When I got into work today, I had emails from multiple friends who finally made it out to their first game. They loved the goal, loved the Nordecke, and all wanted to know one thing: Has this been going on all year?

Yes, my friends, it has. And it's going to keep happening. As the Nordecke reminded it's celebrating denizens last night, "We're Not Done Yet." And that's fer DAMN sure...

OTHER NOTES:

- The guy who dressed up in the Massive Banana costume yesterday deserves a prize, or at the very least, a Crewzer. Maybe when New England comes to town (if they make it that far), we should throw him at Kheli Dube. What?

- Shoutouts need to go to Thoma Gol from the Big Soccer boards, who makes all those great banners like the "Semper Columbus" and "In It to Win It" beauties. The same laudings should be doled out to the little kid who faithfully tapes up his MLS Cup banner every week. What is he, like, eight? And yet, he's running laps around 99% of the Nordecke (Thoma excepted) when it comes to artistic ability and guts. Someone should buy him a beer. In 13 years.

- For the first time all year, I noticed the "Brad Evans, Down on the Farm" banner, which is almost directly behind the Crew bench. Someone in our section asked, "Is that new, or has it always been there?" I responded that it is indeed not new, but is from last year. I know this only because last year, I remember looking at that banner and asking "Who the hell is Brad Evans?" My, the differene a year makes.

Also, this last paragraph cost me my quotation allowance for the week. Let's see how we do for the rest of the column.

- I take great pride in the fact that when Dante Washington walks by, I don't ask who he is, or why he gets to go to the front of the Nordecke. I just smile and nod.

- Does anyone else think Patrick Crayton (the D.C. 'keeper) is kind of funny looking? I almost felt bad for him. He had Jeff Cunningham's head on Zach Thornton's body. Also, there was some high comedy when he completely fell over in agony after Male Nurse Khumalo clanged that sitter off the crossbar. People around me were asking what happened to him. His reaction looked like something Zapruder would have been filming.

- Jehrico, Blake, and myself, having exquisite taste in music, television, and all things awesome, have decided to become the official chant-writing machine of the Nordecke and Crew Supporters. We're filling this void, because without us, you might be stuck chanting how much you love "sweet Molly Malloo". God help us. Last night we came up with some strokes of genius, namely a new Gino Padula chant. It is to the tune of the "I Dream of Genie" theme song. For those of you who never experienced "Nick at Nite" growing up, it was a show about a hot genie who lived in 60's suburbia, and got away with way more exposed flesh on T.V. than one would have expected for a "family show."

Anyway, the song goes like this:

Gi-no, Gino Padula
Gi-no, Gino Padula
Gi-no, Gino Padula
BAP...BA-DABA DA BAP!

Gi-no, Gino Padula
Gi-no, Gino...(you get the idea.)

Also, Jehrico was the one who came up with the ever poignant alt-country crooner:

You can stick your can of Red Bull up your ass!
You can stick your can of Red Bull up your ass!
You can stick your can of Red Bull,
You can stick your can of Red Bull,
You can stick your can of Red Bull up your ass!

It never caught on, but if by some stroke of luck, the Energy Drinks make it to L.A., we must use it.

- Kudos go out to whoever came up with the "Frankie's Friends 2008" badges, and then passed them out for free. Unless they weren't free, in which case I DEFINITELY paid for mine.

- If the Crew don't get at least a 4-page special section previewing the playoffs, along with a season retrospective, in Friday's Dispatch, I will not be happy. Further, if 1460 the Fan doesn't mention the Crew this week, with the Buckeyes having a bye week, and the Blue Jackets dropping more points than the Nasdaq (awe snap!), I will personally kidnap Chris Spielman and torture him by making him watch the World Series, U of M highlights, and PBS. Or if I wanted him to really suffer, I could just show him a replay of the Penn State and USC games.

In stark contrast to the lack of coverage on 1460, 610 AM has a football show on Sunday Mornings. This week one of the commentators made the joke that the Crew are scoring more often than the Buckeyes. Laugh all you want, but it's really becoming true.

- Yes, I paid $25 for a Supporter's Shield t-shirt. And no, I'm not washing it until we give up the Shield. And yes, I'll be wearing it Saturday, along with my lucky Crew Banana Hammock.

- Just think, as chilly as it was yesterday, this time next year, we could be playing a home game or two in weather much colder that 60 degrees. Champions League Fever (TM)! Catch it, then take an antibiotic.

- Okay, I'll just say it. I think the Supporter's Shield looks like the Pontiac logo. Possible sponsorship tie-in? The irony here is that with an infusion of cash that a sponsorship would bring, we could afford to have a trophy that doesn't look like, well, the Pontiac logo.

- If you want to have fun, go watch the replay of the game posted on MLS Net, and listen to the D.C. broadcasters, mainly play-by-play guy Dave Johnson. Grab your favorite beverage, and have a drinking game revolving around how many times he says "Oh My..." If your drink is anything stronger than Natty Light, you'll be dead of alcohol poisoning by minute 17.

Finally, let's all just relax and enjoy this thing before Saturday, because once that whistle blows, it will be a white-knuckle ride to the finish.

Morning Afterthoughts: The Logic of Frankie

Posted by: Smitty



Before a soaked crowd of 15,000+ in rain-drenched Gillette Stadium, the Columbus Crew beat the New England Revolution 1-0, taking all six possible points from the Boston boys in the month of September. Along with those points, the Crew left Massachusets with a few other things in their possesion:

- The inside track on homefield advantage in the playoffs
- Ditto on the Supporter's Shield
- A lock of Shalrie Joesph's hair
- About 12 gallons of water from Hurrican Kyle, once all the uniforms were wrung out
- Another clean sheet by William Hesmer and the defense
- One more ticket sold for the L.A. Galaxy game

That last bit comes courtesy of Franklin Hejduk. He made a play that all of Crew Nation enjoyed for a split second before realizing its consequences. After getting stoned on a rifle shot, which was collected by Matt Reis, Hejduk ran up behind Reis and tried to kick the ball out of his hands. Immediately, the appropriate colored card emerged form the ref's hip pocket, and since it was the second Banana-colored card for Hejduk in the game, he was sent to the showers. At the time, this meant the Crew had to hold a tenuous, 1-goal lead for the bulk of 30 minutes to gain the full 3 points. It didn't look good, and many were wondering what Frankie was thinking.

Then the Crew went out, played as well as any 10 men can given the circumstances, and got the 3 points. A more cautious (and obviously, less intelligent) fan would say that it was still a poor judgment by our team captian, but fortunately it all worked out.

Rubbish. Frankie had a lapse in his judgement? Please. The man has been around the block, and knows exactly what he's doing when he's on the field. I'm not buying the "he lost his head" moment, not for a second. Instead, I believe Frankie was executing a perfect plan to set the stage for the most important two months of the Crew's history.

Number one, Frankie knows better than any of us what's going down on the field. Certainly, he felt the Crew were more than capable of handling the suddenly anemic Revolution without him. Further, he knew that the guys could get big heads if they whupped on the Revs agin by a score of 3 or 4 to 0. So, instead of keeping the team at full strength, he figured he would level up the playing field, and make the boys work hard for those last 30 minutes.

But that's only part of the reason Frankie took the 2nd yellow. He also did it to get a much-deserved break next week, against the woeful L.A. Galaxy. Knowing the game will have little bearing on the playoffs, Frankie obviously decided that,since the rest of Columbus hasn't seen fit to come out to Crew Stadium this season, when they finally show up for Beckham, he'll return the favor, and not be on the field. It may be a message very few if any of the soccer moms will get, but it's a message nonetheless, dammit.

Also, one has to believe that Frankie has come to enjoy his postgame sip of brew from the supporters, to the point that he decided it was about time he hung out with us for the whole game. And since his only two options were this game or the D.C. match, he could finally afford to take a much-needed staycation to Columbus Crew Stadium. Don't believe me? Witness Sigi Schmid, who, after 30 minutes of thinking about Frankie's idea, decided to order up a bleacher seat for himself this weekend as well, getting ejected near the end of the game for verbally assaulting the ref. Clearly, the Nordecke is becoming an alluring proposition for the organization's elite. Perhaps, Mr. McCullers won't even need the Preident's box next season...

But surely, the final and most obvious reason Frankie nearly took Reis's foot off on the restart had nothing to do with retaliation. It's all about the mental edge.

Let's be honest; everyone's initial reaction to Frankie's foul was something along the lines of "What the hell was that?!?". But that's just what Hejduk wanted. Everyone already knows Frankie is a bad ass. He'll cut you back, he'll tackle you with two feet, he'll run you down and make you say uncle. Oh, and now? He'll also take your goalie down from behind. What next? Maybe he'll slide tackle the official, headbutt your coach, or take down your over-priced forward, rip his head off, hollow out the deceased's skull, and use it as a spitoon. The sky is the limit, the opposition will think, because Frankie Hejduk is crazy.

Crazy like a fox, I say.

When Frankie take the field, keepers will be looking over their shoulder. When Frankie takes the field, women will hide their children, especially the ones clad in all-Beckham gear. When Frankie takes the field, any number of very bad things could happen next. You thought he wouldn't go there? Oh, he'll go there, girlfriend. And that's the point. For the rest of the season, Frankie has put the league on notice. They'll be looking for him to cause some kind of yet-to-be-seen havoc. And instead of havoc, Frankie will stroll up to forwards who are quivering in their boots, and take the ball off their feet. It will be stealing candy from a baby, or in the case of Taylor Twellman, an overpriced bitch.

Too bad they don't know, Gino Padula is the one you REALLY have to worry about. After all, it was Gino who brought the Crew's hardware from Toronto down to the lobby of the hotel to let the supporter's drink out of it.

THAT, my friends, is truly crazy. But Frankie? He's just massive, as always.

Morning Afterthoughts: R.S.L, F.U.G., and other fun acronyms.

"OK Smitty," you might be saying. "I know what RSL is, but what the hell is "F.U.G.?"

Glad you asked, but there's no need to be upset. It's just a simple acronym that stands for "Five Unanswered Goals". After the Crew's outright domination of Real Salt Lake at Crew Stadium Saturday night, that's the number of times the Black and Gold have rippled the onion bag without anyone on the opposing side taking enough umbrage to get a goal back.

Many will ask what has sparked the Crew's sudden offensive explosion in the last 120 minutes of on-field play, going back to Brian Carrol's goal of the week against Dallas. Some will point to role players like Brad Evans and Eddie Gaven stepping up to create and finish chances. Others will offer that the two teams the Crew have scored on are not exactly defensive juggernauts. Still others may suggest the Crew are fired up about one of their own (Jeff Cunningham) getting his 100th career goal in Crew Stadium. But truly, there is one answer that links EVERY one of these goals together, and conveniently enough, it's a three-letter acronym as well:


G.B.S.

Go back and think about each and every one of those 5 goals. Schelotto had assists on 4 of them, and scored the penalty kick earned when Eddie Gaven was upended after he took a perfectly weighted pass from, well, who else but Schelotto? The object of the Nordecke's abject idol worship is making the case that he should get his first, middle, and last name inscribed on yet another trophy in his storied career. That would be the trophy MLS hands each year to it's MVP.

(Damn, this three-letter acronym column idea is working out much better than planned...)

On the goal Brian Carrol scored, Guille having eyes in the back of his head is the only logical explanation for how he found Carrol to bury his first goal in 27 years. On the free kicks, Schelotto's laser guided missles looked as though they had magnets for Crew noggins, as both Brad Evans and Chad Marshall could do little to mess up what El Melizo had set up (to their credit, they both took their opportunities perfectly.) And on the assist to Gaven and, ultimately, Evans, Guille seamlessly linked 90 yards of the field together with another beautiful pass after the defense swiftly and neatly snuffed out any thoughts of a RSL attack. And of course, when a man with 18 domestic and international championships steps over top of a penalty kick, there is little any keeper can do to deny the champ's wishes.

It's been said before, but it's never been more true: As Guillermo goes, so go the Crew. Witness the game we lost to Houston a few weeks ago. That night, Guillermo seemed snakebit, each pass he attempted either fell flat or glanced the wrong way. Shots he took were not on target. Generally, his play was just slightly off. The Crew lost 2-0.

Certainly, the emergence of Brad Evans and the resurgence of Eddie Gaven have been welcome, and the play of the defense has been much better the last few weeks. Pat Noonan will help the team over the stretch run and into the next few years. Robbie Rogers is still terrorizing the flanks, Alejandro Moreno is busting his ass on every through ball, and Ekpo will be playing with even more confidence after going toe to toe with Argentina in the Olympics. Frankie Hejduk continues to be the heart and soul of the 2008 Columbus Crew.

But make no mistake. Guillermo is the motor that will take this team as far as it can go. Fortunately, not only does Guille have the drive to get to the Cup, but he also knows how to get there. Here's to number 19.

Other stuff:

- I was sitting with a friend tonight who has been arguing with me about the usefulness of Eddie Gaven vs. Brad Evans. I have been clearly in the Gaven corner, and he in Evans'. When Gaven earned the PK, I was in his ear. When Gaven popped up a header in the box, he was in mine. When Brad Evans scored his goal, he thought he had the upper hand in the debate, until we saw the replay and noticed it was Gaven who served Evans the beautiful ball that Evans neatly and justly put away. Needless to say, the debate about which one is better is still raging.

However, the entire debate started because we were arguing about who should sit down once Ekpo returns and/or Noonan comes along. Funny thing is, I can't make a case for Ekpo over either of those guys right now. Evans is playing like a poor man's Brian McBride or at the very least, what we were hoping Adam Moffat would be doing on offense, and Gaven is playing like the Eddie Gaven that is earning $165,000. If Ekpo sees the field despite how well those two or doing, it means his form is definitely where it needs to be for the Crew to continue to push for the Supporter's Shield and the MLS Cup.

- Speaking of Ekpo, the Crew's Olympic Silver Medalist should be back in town this week. When he and Rogers left for the Olympics, we all talked about how it would be great if we could lose only one game and win two over that four game span. Instead, the Crew got nine points off three wins and are tied with New England for first place. Nice.

- The Crew have a dangerous trap game next week. Dallas is a decent team, and we're playing them in Frisco, which will no doubt be an inferno. Meanwhile, the Crew may catch themselves looking ahead to the eight games after next week's tilt, as seven will be against Eastern Conference opponents. They have a home and away with both New England and New York, go away to Chicago and Toronto as well, and will wrap up with a home game against D.C. United, just for gits and shiggles.

Fortunately, the L.A. Galaxy will be bringing David Beckham, Landon Donovan, Bruce Arena, and Eddie Lewis's Massive head wound to Crew Stadium as our lone Western Conference opponent after Dallas. Yippee.

- There was some discussion of how much fun it might be to load up on some adult bevy's and sit on the turf to watch Shrek after the game. This conversation led to an exchange where I impersonated a drunk watching the movie and saying, "Dude, that donkey sounds just like that guy from Norbit..." Trust me, it was hysterical.

- Do you think the RSL brass are watching their team get mauled at every away game and rethinking this move out of Rice-Eccles Stadium? That Concrete Plasto-Turf (TM) certainly has to provide some explanation for why they are so great at home and so terrible away from it.

- My fantasy football draft is tomorrow. I thought you all should know my team name this year is the Sons of Travis Henry, which is kind of borrowed from the Sons of Ben, but more borrowed from the fact that Travis Henry has 9 different kids from 9 differnet women. Here's to his next sexcapade resulting in twins so he can field a well-clad youth soccer team.

- Once again, the Nordecke was rocking tonight. Disappointed only 12,000 got to see the total annihilation of the Royal Utes, but the next home game against New England should be more well stocked with Crew faithful in the sitting sections.

- Finally, my apologies to anyone who reads this blog anticipating a piece of litereature from me. This past week, I was in poor form to blog. My bad, yo. My computer will have some down time as well next week, so bear with me. The hope is everything will be good to go in time for September's Massive run to the Shield and the Cup.

Morning Afterthoughts: Lack of Depth Sinks Crew

I really don't have much to say about the Crew's 2-0 loss on Saturday nightn, other than the obvious. The Crew lost because of poor finishing, poor defense, and a ton of players missing, due to callup, suspensions, and injury. With both teams at full stregth, I'm sure the Crew would have fared better. And yet, they could have tied or won that game, had they hit on a few of the sitters that were missed. Ah well.

The Good: Guille, Gaven, Peterson, Zayner, Moreno.

The Bad: Iro, Marshall's injury, Evans misses, Moreno's misses, Guille's misses.
I was going to say "Sigi's subs" here for not bringing on Garey until the 70th minute; but when two of your subs get burned due to injury, it throws the plan out the window.

The Ugly: How did Nate Jacqua stay on the field after this tackle?



Tell me how that is not a red card? Also tell me how he didn't get his 2nd yellow 10 minutes later when he hit Iro with his studs in the thigh a full second after the ball had been played? Meanwhile, Steve Lenhart watched and put his head in his hands.

But insted of belaboring the obvious, I want to change gears. The Crew are sitting at a weird point in the season. They are off for a week, then come back but won't be at full strength, unless the US and Nigeria can't make it out of their group stage at the Olympics. Then we play Dallas twice in three weeks (Houston and Dallas roadtrips in August? Gee, thanks MLS Scheduling Computer...) before heading into the most important stretch of our season, where the final nine of eleven games are against the Eastern Conference.

Menawhile, the transfer window for MLS closes on August 15th. Do the Crew need help? Should we trade someone? Splash some international cash? Kidnap Pat Noonan and drag him back to Columbus in Crew Cat's Van? And if any of that happens, who would the Crew be looking to replace?

Just for the heck of it, I'll list the positions, the players who play at each, and a percentage of confidence I have that the Crew cannot find someone who will perform better at their salary, thus showing us who is expendable. Of course, most of these salaries are guaranteed by now, so it's not like we can just cut someone and keep their money. Still, it's interesting to see what the Crew are getting for their money.

For example, I don't think we're going to find someone who will perform any better than Lenhart while being paid $12,900. It's the league minimum, so at best, we could maybe find someone as good as he is for that price. So I have 100% confidence we can do no better than Lenhart in his situation. Same goes for a high-salaried player like Guille, who has shown over the course of a year and a half that he is a leader and true engine on this team. We aren't going to find someone who is a guarantee to perform like he has been.

However, someone like Nico Hernandez, who was making 100k and riding the pine? Well I have little doubt the Crew can and in fact will do better than him before things are said and done, seeing as how they have already released him. But even when he was here, I know for sure I could do exactly what he did for $100,000: sit on my ass and barely make an impact when brought into the game.

Forwards (And Guille)
Guillermo Barros
Schelotto $375,000 - 100%
Alejandro Moreno $131,000 - 80%
Steven Lenhart $12,600 - 100%
Jason Garey $60,625 - 60%
Geroge Josten $12,600 - NA

I feel fairly confident of all of these guys. Though I note we could do better than Garey, that's mainly just because we have two guys (Rogers and Lenhart) who have performed better and make less money. I like his heart though as well as his ability he showed us in the Colorado game, and don't truly view him as expendable. Josten, since he's seen no time on the field, doesn't rate at all. But our forward situation, does not seem to be a problem area.

Midefield
Emmanuel Ekpo $123,000 - 70%
Robbie Rogers $57,500 - 99%
Eddie Gaven $165,000 - 40%
Brad Evans $33,000 - 80%
Brian Carrol $126,000 - 70%
Stefani Miglioranzi $84,200 - 70%
Duncan Oughton $75,000 - 30%
Andrew Peterson $12,900 - 90%
Cory Elenio $12,900 - NA
Kevin Burns $12,900 - NA

At $165,000 Gaven is always going to get looked at. I don't want to see us lose him, as he's only 21, and has looked good since coming back from injury. But for the purposes of this argument, $165,000 is an awful lot of money, and it seems as though for the money, there must be someone better than present-day Gaven. And in case you're wondering why Gaven gets paid so much, consider that the Crew are paying a contract negotiated between Gaven and the NY Red Bulls. The man in the Red Bulls FO who OK'd the deal? Alexi Lalas.

And yes, as much as we all love and respect the Kiwi, Duncan Oughton just flat out doesn't have it anymore. $75,000 could go a long way towards finding some help in a midfield that has truly missed Adam Moffat.

Defense
Chad Marshall $148,000 - 90%
Frankie Hejduk %175,000 - 70%
Andy Iro $53,500 - 70%
Danny O'Rourke $69,000 - 70%
Gino Padula $145,000 - 20%
Jed Zayner $43,800 - 60%
Ezra Hendrickson $72,000 - 10%
Ryan Junge $12,900 - 90%
Ryan Miller $12,900 - NA

If Gino could play left back, he's worth whatever we can pay him. But since he hasn't proven to be healthy yet, I don't know that we should be paying a guy that much to ice his knees. No one can predict an injury, of course, but the fact that he had only played in 6 games over a 2 year period might have tipped us off. And yes, for $72,000 I could buy a stack of bricks to set on the field that would play better defense than Ezra Hendrickson. You're telling me that the Crew couldn't spend that $210,000 on a sturdy anchor at center back?

Keeper
William Hesmer $70,000 - 100%
Andy Gruenenbaum $33,000 - 90%

Just for point of reference, San Jose is paying Joe Cannon $213,000 this season. Hell, Matt Reis is only making 160k! But for $70,000 the only two guys near that pay figure of any talent are John Busch ($80k) and Brad Guzan (was $103,000, but not anymore). So, yeah, I don't think we're going to find anyone better than William Hesmer for the money.

Out for season:
Adam Moffat $17,700 - 100%

Overall, this raises some interesting questions. The Crew are being fairly prudent, as Gaven seems to be the only overpaid player based on current performance. Next year, the Crew will most likely have to up the payout on guys like Rogers, Moffat, Hesmer, and maybe even Guille or Lenhart to keep them from leaving the fray. And while there has been talk of adding a Designated Player, how would that affect a guy like Guille? This is his team, and if a big name midfielder is brought in, I wonder how the new player would interact with our beloved Argentine.

Still, if there was ever a time to make a move, it's now, as the Crew have two weeks to get him acclimated into the system.

So what do you think? Want to see the Crew spend a lot of money now to add a final piece or two to the puzzle for this year, or leave that room for next year, and go into the playoffs with what we have?

Morning Afterthoughts: Rocky Win Allows Crew to Climb

Did we see what we just saw? Down to 10 men, the Crew held onto a 1-0 lead after Sigi switched formations for the first time since the Reagan Administration and even added a goal after a 2nd-half sub not named Steven Lenhart finished an amazing run that took advantage of a goal kick. By the way, did we mention the Crew had only won once at Colorado ever, that our two wingers are en route to China, and that Colorado outshot the Crew 23-5?

So, how did the Crew win 2-0? Let me paint you a picture:




The Crew have sometimes this year suffered ties that should have been wins, and occasionally a brave few have questioned the abilities of the fuzzy-headed man between the pipes. But last night, William Techumseh Hesmer absolutely destroyed any thoughts of a ceiling on his career. He made 7 huge saves that would serve any European side well. And he wasn't so much patroling his penalty area as he was destroying anyone who dared wade into the Crew 6-yard box on a set piece. William hasn't completely got his positioning down 100% of the time, but his reactions are second to none.

Meanwhile, the legend of Lenhart continues to grow. His interplay with Miglioranzi, who played an absolutely brilliant ball to the Azusa Kid, was an example of all that is good about soccer. The red card he was given was an example of the exact opposite. The physical manhandling the forwards in MLS are required to take without a foul being called is appalling. While Moreno and Schelotto no doubt were angered about Lenhart being sent off, and perhaps, the obvious manner in which he earned his trip to the showers, no doubt they had to feel some sense of justice after the way they have been beaten and battered without the ref passing air through his whistle. In the same vein, there is little doubt Robbie Rogers was watching, smiling, and nodding.

Lenhart's attitude is something Crew fans can be proud of. He is hot-headed, flashy, has a flair for dramatic, and most of all, will be the last person on the team who will be caught handling excrement. Jimmy Conrad, an overrated vet of MLS who gets the benefit of the doubt from the refs, media, and coaches, ran into Lenhart last week and ended up getting his head palmed like a basketball. He's lucky Lenhart didn't treat his noggin more like a Titleist sitting on the white tee of a par 5. Many have compared Lenhart to a Cabbage Patch Kid, what with his curly blonde hair and youthful look of exuberance. Forget that; if anything, he's as Garbage Pail Kid as they come. Saying Lenhart has a nasty streak is like saying Tommy Lee has a few tattoos. And to think, this time last year, Livid Lenny was going to call it quits after his senior year at APU.

Interesting Lenhart fact: all three goals he has scored have either tied or won the game for the Crew this season. Some of us should have seen this coming, since after all, 9 of 16 goals last season at Azusa Pacific were gamewinners.

(By the way, please ignore this post and this post form earlier in the season where I kind of bagged on us picking Lenhart over Xavier Balc. Kudos to Sigmund the Round for making me look like an idiot. )

Finally, as much as I have love for the curly-haired players aforementioned, I am personally most excited about the abilities currently being displayed by one Jason Garey. He got on the end of a nice goal against Independiente, apparently did the same vs. West Ham, and now has gotten into an MLS game and made the most of it, tallying the nail in Colorado's proverbial coffin Sunday night. And what a goal it was. Coincidentally, both Garey's and Lenhart's goals are up for GOTW nomination. Both deserve it, with Garey's being my personal favorite.

After a perceived slight by not getting the nod over Lenhart as first sub, Jason Garey is a man on a mission to show Sigi injuries are the only reason he's not lived up to his potential. The flashes he showed last night are promising. Nevermind the goal, he abused Colorado's defense for the 2nd half of the game. Facundo Erpen did everything but piledrive Garey on the run that became Garey's first MLS goal of the season; Bouda Condoul had to clothesline him to keep him out of net for a 2nd time. Thank God MLS's fine referees saw no reason to award the deserved penalty to Garey; we wouldn't want him to get satisfied now that he's got a guaranteed start this week against Houston.

The best thing about the whole game? With Rogers and Ekpo gone, the Crew are getting big time step-ups from secondary players in their absence. Last year, and in many years past, it seems like everyone got hot and cold at the same time. Last week, Guille carried the team; this week, William Hesmer put the team on his back and Lenhart and Garey each had a good half. The Crew are getting players to step up in key situations, and that will payoff come playoff time.

Other notes:

- Forgive me as I interrupt the sanctity of the Holiest of Spicoli's, but Frankie Hejduk needs to sit down for a game. Waaaaay to many reckless, two-footed tackles that either missed, were horribly late, or both. He was singularly responsible for a few of the Crapids chances last night. His yellow carded tackle could have easily seen red. Unfortunately, it had the same result as Lenhart's elbow, as both will miss the next match in Houston.

- Eddie Gaven looked very able coming back from injury. He burned the sidelines nearly as well as anything Robbie Rogers has done, covered well on defense, even got a little physical when necessary. Hope for more of the same this week.

- The 3-5-2 worked for Sigi, though he seems to treat Colorado with special gloves because they are so good at crossing into the box. With Frankie gone for the Houston game, what will he do? I think he goes back to 4 in the back, puts Iro in the middle with Chad, and prays to God that Padula is healthy so Danny can play on the right.

- RSL just got done beating TFC 2-1. That means even with their games in hand, of all the Eastern Conference teams behind Columbus, only Chicago is within three points of the Crew (if they win their extra match). Meanwhile, the Crew sit 2 points off the Supporter's Shield, albeit with one more game played than New England. Basically, we're in really good shape going into the Olympics.

Finally, our thoughts and prayers go out to Ryan and his family over the loss of his father. My wife lost her mom to a violently quick form of pancreatic cancer (3 months from diagnosis to the end), and as shocking as that was, I can't even imagine what Ryan is going through. It's in times like these that memories and photographs become more precious than gold, and, hopefully, friends nowhere near as scarce.

(Saturday) Morning Afterthoughts: Video Redux

Some random thoughts heading into the All-Star Break:

- The Crew have scored 27 goals, but given up 25. We're 3rd best in goals scored, 3rd worst in goals against. But we're looking for strikers?

Yep, and rightly so, at least for now. While the defense needs a shot in the arm, our offense is losing it's two biggest threats. Ekpo and Rogers are a nightmare for defenders who are just learning how to work it out. They spread out the field, which is giving Guille more room to work his magic and Moreno more freedom to hold the ball and hit them as they make runs. Remember last year when we couldn't score? Neither of those guys were on the pitch...

- Still, the defense needs help. Danny O'Whoops and Andy I-slow can't seem to get it together, and Frankie has had a bad run of form the last few weeks.

My advice: How's about we spend that DP money on Marcos Gonzalez? I keed, I keed.

- Drumming for the entire game is harder than it looks. I brought two friends and some marching band drums, and we tried to keep up with La Turbina. We had slightly better rhythm, but no where near the stamina.

And yes, that's what she said.

- Best atmosphere ever in the Nordecke. I also noticed the entire stadium standing last night towards the end of the game when the Crew looked like they might score. Nice to see.

- Wolff was not offside on the goal, mainly because Iro was in too deep without marking anyone and O'Rourke whiffed.

- The ref did not call two blatant handballs, or anything that happened to Robbie Rogers. Can we all chip in and buy him a jersey that says "Beckham 23" for when he gets back from China?

- With our wings gone, I think we should move Moreno to one of the wings, and put Lenhart up top as our holding forward. At the very least, the kid should see 20 minutes every game until he stops putting the ball in the back of the net.

Now for the videos:

Guille with a clutch goal to open the floodgates:


Moreno's goal and Celebration with Columbus' Finest Fans:

There's a goal and an assist for Schelotto, by the way.

Chad Marshall with a beautiful upper-90 goal, and a great reaction from the crowd!

By the way: Jimmy Conrad got flat out owned on this goal. Beaten like a rented mule, by a country mile, and worse than a red-headed step child. How is he an All-Star and Guille not?

While we're jersey shopping for Rogers, maybe we should also get Schelotto a number 10 jersey that says "Blanco" on it so the other MLS idiot soccer fans and the league office will pay attention to him. He's having one of the 5 best seasons in MLS this year.

Why we're going to miss Emmanuelle Ekpo:


Why we'll miss Robbie Rogers:


Pertaining to the last two videos: Go Holland and Japan! Please knock Nigeria and the US out in group play. Thank you.

And go figure: MLS doesn't have the video of Golden Boy Jimmy Conrad getting pwned by The Cabbage Patch Kid on it's quick kicks section. Fancy that. Sure Lenhart fouled him, but I don't know what the technical term is for what Conrad was doing to keep Lenhart from blowing by him. Arm-barring? Half-nelson? It has to be a wrestling term. Kudos for Lennie getting into it with Conrad after the fact. I'm actually sad somone didn't do to him what Virtuoso did last year...

Counting Frankie's miss and two sitter crosses that were not converted(one by Moreno, one by Robbie), as well as Robbie's shots that were blocked, the Crew had the better run of play, and could have won this game 4-3 or 5-2. Instead, we lose 2 points at home, yet remain a game ahead of everyone except New England for now (though some teams have a game in hand on us.) About as good of a first half as we could have expected, all told.

Finally, on a NCR note, "The Dark Knight" is the best movie I've ever seen. Even better than "Step Up 2: In the Streetz." Best quote: "I'm like a dog chasing cars..." Trust me, when you see it, it will make sense.

Bring on the Hammers this Sunday. You going?

Morning Afterthoughts: Real Stupid Loss

As the Crew stumbled out of the Rocky Mountains last night with no points after their 2-0 loss to Real Salt Lake, one has to wonder if they gave any thought to how they'll vote this November. After all, one of the biggest issues for many voters concerns the management of our environment. While this writer will not be bold enough to specualte as to which candidate offers the best solution for those issues, no doubt the Crew players would do well to consider buying a lobbyist to petition for one "green agenda": real grass in every MLS stadium.

Sure, there is a shopping list of things we could blame the Crew loss on, such as:

- Uninspired play
- Unsinpried subs
- Poor luck (how many crosses and shots have been knocked down or glanced off the woodwork?)
- RSL not being all that bad
- Everyone in Columbus being generally disturbed after seeing the new Ricart commercials.

All are valid reasons the Crew lost. And usually, I'm not one for government intervention into minute details of how privately held organizations are run. But in this age of "Fair Play" and banning streamers that "affect the run of play," how can MLS still allow legitimate games between legitimate teams to be played on fields that your dog wouldn't take a piss on? How can the standings be taken seriously when such an obvious advantage is given to teams that choose to play on poor fields?

I realize both teams have to play on the same field. But one team is used to the inherent bounces, hops, and skips the Real Fake Pitch is bound to have. Realize that RSL's pitch is not anything like the Field Turf you'll find at OSU, or one of those hybrid grass/synthetic mixes. Rice-Eccles's pitch makes concrete look like the 18th green at Pebble Beach. Is it any coincidence that RSL is unbeaten at home in the first season they got a "marginally" decent team?

Bottom line: let's not worry so much about the way we played in this game, as that's just a flat-out waste of time, considering the field. Instead let's look at the tactics used by the Sigi, which indicate what we're doing right and what we're doing wrong.

1. Using Brad Evans for 90 minutes.
Bad Idea
When the book gets written on Brad Evans' career (OK, so maybe "pamphlet" is more accurate), it will read roughly like this: Child player who was always quicker than everyone else, who became high school player who was faster than everyone else, who became college player who was one of the speediest guys on his team, makes it to MLS where he learns that he's not fast enough to cover for the fact that he is never in the right position. Every time I see Brad Evans he's doing one of two things: Busting his ass to catch up to his man who ran right into the open space he vacated, or putting his hand up to receive the ball on offense. Those are the only two definable skills the man has, and yet Sigi continues to rush him onto the field. Oh, wait I almost forgot his ability to mis-hit sitters inside the 18-yard box.

I realize Adam Moffat and Eddie Gaven aren't helping the situation by being injured, but would anyone really be that worried about Stefani Miglioranzi in that position? He's not as fast as Evans, but has better awareness, and has some decent aerial skills. Plus, he can play defense. Evans needs to see the bench, for Miglioranzi now and for Gaven when he's healthy. Why Sigi has to rush Evans out there time and again I don't understand.

2. Subbing out a left back (Junge) for another left back (Miglioranzi) when down 1-0 at home.
Bad Idea
So, last week, we were down one and Bobby Rifle sticks his neck out and puts Lenhart in for Iro. Lenhart scores the winning goal, and has one of the best goal celebrations in Crew Stadium History. This week, Sigi subs in defense for more defense when we need a goal to take points on the road. What happens? We concede another goal and score none of our own.

This is a serious question: Can we see about getting Sigi to be our director of player personnel and give the team to Robert after this season? Sigi has done some good and found some great players, but he seems stuck on certain tactics that just don't work. On the road, late in the game, I'd rather push for the tying goal and lose 5-0 than sub in more defense and still not get any points. Can't the Sigmeister at least pretend we're going for points on the road?

Fortunately, Brad Evans was on the pitch the entire game.

3. Putting Danny O'Rourke in as a center back.
Bad idea.
Danny O'Rourke wears the badge as proudly as anyone has. But he is not cut out for the middle of the defense. Put him out wide, let him get forward, and let's let Iro's fresh legs get some play while we're in the middle of the hottest part of the season. Sure, Iro's not there yet, but I'd rather get him there for later in the season, let him have his lumps now, and get it figured out. I've personally all but given up on seeing Padula for any meaningful stretch of time this season, so why not get the twin towers in the back working together, and let Danny and Frankie roam the sidelines?

Or, and here's a wild idea, maybe we should seek some kind of replacement for Marcos Gonzalez. You remember, our best defender last year? Just a crazy thought.

Personally, I'm in agreement with those that say let's put this one behind us and get ready for another huge primtime win on ESPN Thursday night. But let's also bear in mind that there are some legit problems we have right now, and hope that Sigi can address them. And, let's stop worrying about RSL. We'll show them what real grass is all about when they come back here.

The Return: Smitty's Morning Afterthoughts

Schelotto draws the Crew level. (AP Photo/Danny Moloshok)

As some of you may have noticed, I have not been posting very regularly over the last couple of weeks. This has mainly been to a Massive home improvement project I'm working on, as well as some internet outage.

However, as an atonement for my lax posting and missing my Silly Game Preview the last few weeks, I have decided to do a running blog of my Morning Afterthoughts from rewatching the game. I haven't done that in a while, mainly because it takes about 4 hours to watch a full game, because of all the pausing and writing. Not complaining, just saying, I'm doing this for you. Really.

As Michael Bluth would famously say, "Here we go..."

Soundtrack: Weezer - Make Belive
Beverage: Sam Adams Irish Red
Mood: Relaxed

PREGAME

Welcome to the Home Depot Center! It has been quite the oven in L.A. this week, and in describing the field temps, our two intrepid Gals announcers have the following exchange:

Announcer 1: "Tonight's temperature is 89 degrees, and a humidity of 39%. I went to junior college for 5 years, does that mean it's going to be sticky?"

Announcer 2: "I think it's going to be pretty sticky out there. These guys will get a lather worked up pretty quickly, out there in between the lines."

Number one, that sounds disgusting. And number two, if this is what passes for "sticky" heat in L.A., then I'm done listening to West Coast types complain about heat. Come to Columbus when it's 90 degrees and 90% humidity, and tell me about "sticky".

Also, did anyone else see, "You don't mess with the Zohan?" It was sticky as well.

FIRST HALF:

2:28 - Guillermo Barros Schelotto takes his first corner kick, and places it completely on the other side of the box. Just out of curiosity, if Guille keeps hitting thses crosses so far wide, shouldn't we stick someone back there?

3:25 - Poor clearance by the Crew almost leads to the first Galaxy chance. Chad Marshall attempts to clear the ball off the six, but Danny O'Rourke's hand gets in the way. Fortunately, the ref did not call the inadvertant palm, but the ball did sit in the box for what seemed like a minute before O'Rourke cleared out to the side.

3:41 - And the poor defense continues. David Beckam sends in a cross, which causes William Hesmer to come off his line to attempt a save. The ball skips of Hesmer's fingertips, leaving Donovan alone with the ball and an open net. 1-0 L.A.

I'm still not sure what Hesmer was complaining about. Beckham's dead-on cross off a side volley drew Hesmer out, and he and Donovan collided mid air, but it was a 50-50 ball. Unless Hesmer was complaining that he was distracted by Donovan's odd hairline, he really didn't have an argument.

5:59 - Speaking of hair, we get our first closeup of Mr. Hydrogen Peroxide himself, Abel Xavier. My wife watched this game with me last night, and asked me three times if Xavier had some kind of weird diease.

6:25 - Nico Hernandez takes the 3rd Crew corner of the game, with much the same result as the previous two: nothing. As for his hair, let's just say that Hernandez looks like he hasn't had a shower ever.

7:25 - Guille gets clocked by Mike Randolph. I believe that defensive tactic is typically referred to as "the slamdance."

7:49 - On the ensuing freekick, the Gals announcer says "Here's where Columbus is dangerous.." Umm...since when? We are watching the same Crew team, right?

9:25 - Ladies and gentleman, your reality check on Ryan Junge. As David Beckham brings the ball down the right, Junge sits on him and leaves an overlapping run for Klein wide open. Of course, Beckham plays a great ball that Klein crosses into the box, where Donovan nearly backheels for his 2nd goal. Very, very aestetically pleasing soccer by the Galaxy.

16:16 - Just a thought, as Will Hesmer takes a goal kick: How about we go down Robbie Rogers' side once or twice, eh?

19:20 - Hey, what do you know? Robie Rogers gets his first real touch in the offensive third, and we get a corner. Fascinating, this stuff called "strategy".

20:58 - Nicolas Hernandez plays a smart ball over the top to Moreno, who has acres to run at goal. As he gets near goal, he shakes a closing Galaxy defender, leaving him within 10 yards and only the keeper between him and tieing the game up 1-1. Instead, Moreno crosses to a mass of 37 L.A. defenders, who clear the ball for a Crew corner.

I'm sorry. I meant CREEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW CORNER!

22:28 - Beckham hits one from 30 yards out that nearly beats Hesmer. Fortunately, it was about 3 feet too high, and ended up a goal kick.

Also, according to Posh Spice, it's one of the few times in life Becks has been accused of being "too long".

23:06 - Great play off the goal kick. Schelotto gets a lucky bounce and scoots into the box, where he put what looks like an errant shot across the goal face. Thing is, Robbie Rogers came storming in and gets the ball about two feet off the line, causing Cronin to make a diving save.

As a side note, I like how Robbie slammed the ball home after it had clearly gone out of bounds. Keep shooting Robbie, you'll be leading the league in goals soon enough.

24:47 - Schelotto gets slammed in the back of the leg by Sean Franklin, just outside the penalty area. Danny O'Rourke shouldn't feel bad, as L.A. has quite a few guys who commit very stupid fouls in and around the penalty area.

26:02 - The L.A. Announcers (which by the way, would be an awesome band name) just made the astute point that Schelotto's free kick, which was about two feet wide, was taken at such an angle that it would have been better to have a left footed player take the shot. Unfortunately, the Crew really don't have a lefty with the accuracy of a guy like Schelotto or Becks, save for maybe Gino Padula.

Though he only played in a few games, I remember thinking, "When Gino gets fully into form and learns how the team plays, he's going to be very good on offense as well as defense." Let's hope he gets back soon.

28:51 - Robbie Rogers was two steps behind Chris Klein, but ended up running around Klein and getting in front to force an errant cross. Speed kills and Robbie has it in spades, which I think means "shovel-fulls". Whatever.

29:42 - Beckham with another gorgeous cross, and this time Buddle gets on the end of it, all alone in the box, but shoots just wide.

In case your keeping track, the "Shoulda Been" score is now 2-1 (the Crew's goal either from Moreno's cross or Schelotto's cross).

31:30 - Franklin, Duke of Hedjes was very lucky not to get his 5th yellow (and auto suspension) for a poor challenge on the right side. Say what you want about the challenge, but it was right of Mr. Mark Geiger to keep the yellow in his pocket. Frankie Hejduk is still National Team and the capitain of the Massive Columbus Crew. Players like that deserve the benefit of the doubt once in a game, and Frankie got it. Good no call.

34:00 - The first real HOLY S*** sequence that didn't result in a goal against the Crew. Ante Jazic sends a ball into the box that gets knocked around until Edson Buddle ends up with it at his feet inside the penalty area. Brad Evans literally runs Buddle over, a play that clearly could have been called a foul, and thus a penalty, but no call is made.

Play continues, and the ball is crossed in, where Frankie Hejduk attempts a clear, only it lands at the feet of Landon Donovan inside the box again. Landy-cakes makes a clear mistake and shoots three feet wide of a completely empty far post.

Shoulda Been Scoreboard: LA 3 Crew 1.

39:55 - Beckham and Pires challenge Schelotto for a header. Only problem is, they both lead with their elbows, and the Argentine does what he does best: draw fouls. Sadly, this one was on Pires; it easily could have been on Beckham.

41:24 - Schelotto with another good series of moves to get through 3 defenders and put a cross in. He goes through people quicker than a Tabasco and chile sammich.

43:03 - Herbalife is the sponsor on the HDC video board, as well as the Galaxy jersey. Explain to me how they got a sponsorship for the Beckham team? You have Volkswagen, Glidden, Red Bull, and Best Buy as sponsors in this league, all very large corporations. Is Herbalife that big? Aren't they the company I always see people advertising on the back of their car windows? Somone needs to explain this to me.

43:40 - Nicolas Hernandez, whose nickname is now Vincent Vega, sends a nice ball into space for Robbie Rogers, who just misses a nice chip in goal over the head of Cronin.

Should Been Scoreboard, brought to you by Herbalife: LA 3 Crew 2.

44:47 - The Crew wait for what seems like a minute to get the ball on a throw in, which brings up a really annoying trend in MLS: ballkids who don't know how to throw a ball at players asking for it. I don't know if the problem is not enough balls sitting around outside the pitch, or the kids not having a clue about soccer, but either way, MLS needs to get more balls or smarter kids. Maybe they can have a Wonderlic test for the little tykes.

45:59 - Whistle. Halftime. Real score 1-0 LA. Shoulda Been Score: 3-2 LA. Really, the score holds up either way.

HALFTIME: On his way to the locker room. Landon Donovan gets asked by the sideline reporter how the Gals can improve in the 2nd half, and he responds with this:

"Well, we've been creating chances, but the problem is we're giving up some stupid balls in the back. If we can cut those out it makes it easier for us."

So, if you're keeping score at home on the Landon Donovan Checklist, we've already got:

- Scoring a cheap goal
- Missing a sitter
- Throwing his teammates under the bus

And it's only the first half! All we need now is "stamping feet in anger" and "not really celebrating because he didn't score the goal" and we'll go 5-5. I feel good about our chances.

SECOND HALF

46:00 - And just like that, it's 2-0. Edson Buddle makes Danny O'Rourke look more like an L.A. Galaxy defender, breezing by him and burying a knuckleball shot past Will Hesmer. Great goal by Buddle. He may finally be coming into his own. Then again, we said that about 10 times during his career when he was in Columbus, only to see him never quite live up to it. But on this L.A. team, where he doesn't have to be the focal point of the offense, he's doing very well.

Shoulda Been Score: 4-2 LA.

Also, I didn't see Donovan anywhere near the celebration. Check.

47:20 - I was looking for some razor blades and emo CDs at this point watching the game. Not a good feeling.

48:18 - Franklin Hejduk sends a nifty ball up the sideline for Mr. Seven Nation Army. Moreno beats his man and gets off a shot, but it was an easy save for Cronin. If Moreno crosses that ball, he hits a "Oh my God, I can't believe how wide open I am" Robbie Rogers, who buries it in the back of the net.

Ah, what the hell: Shoulda Been Scoreborad, presented by wishful thinking: 4-3 LA.

49:15 - Moreno gets ANOTHER shoulder/handball call, his 2nd of the game in 3rd in the last 3 games. He knows you can't do that, right?

52:40 - A cross by Schelotto and header by Marshall leaves the ball at Moreno's feet inside the six with no one between him and goal. Unfortunately, his one touch goes wide.

Should Been Scoreboard, now presented with 100% confidence: 4-3 LA.

54:40 - Nico Hernandez uncorks one from the top of the 18, but it goes just wide left. Not a bad effort though.

56:10 - Robbie Rogers pulls the same move on an LA defender that Edson Buddle did earlier to score his goal, chipping the ball around the right of the defender, and going left around the defender to beat him to it. The difference is, Rogers was near the left touch line, while Buddle was within 15 feet of the goal.

The kid has good crossing skills, and his defense is solid, but if we could add one more midfielder with some defensive abilities, Robbie Rogers should be our other forward in a 4-4-2. He is just too good to leave him outside serving balls into an empty box.

56:55 - Chad Marshall does well once again with a corner, putting it on frame where it's stopped by a defender. Only problem is, the defender was Ryan Junge. Junge was like Michael Jackson at a Kids 'R' Us half-off sale: Wrong place, wrong time.

The good thing is, Columbus is attacking very well.

61:24 - Nicolas Hernandez sends another good ball over the top to the hard-charging Moreno. Moreno gets in one-on-one with Cronin, but the puts the shot well wide to the far post.

As a veteran forward, Moreno MUST do better with that. No excuse to miss that wide. Cronin did a good job of cutting down the angle, but that was poorly shot. Also, any thoughts that maybe Hernandez should be playing in the Adam Moffat or Eddie Gaven roles? He's laid a few nice passes in over the top during this game.

Oh also - Should Been Scoreboard: 4-4

62:40 - The L.A. Color Announcer (not such a good band name) just said that Columbus is slightly better than San Jose, but just barely.

I realize the West Coast guys can't seem to grasp that life happens outside of California, Washington and Oregon, and that the Crew just lost to San Jose 2-0, but good God Almighty, let's be realistic. The Crew are 2nd in the East, while San Jose in the worst team in MLS with only 11 points on the season. The table doesn't lie. Please keep this in mind.

65:21 - Robbie Rogers nearly beats Cronin from outside the 18, as the ball deflects off an LA defender. It's not going on the Should Been Scoreboard, but it was close.

66:30 - Alejandro Moreno gets his head on a Guille cross. The ball bounces off the face of Pires, and to the feet of Brad Evans, who nearly rips the net in half with his side volley. 2-1 Crew!!!

Shoulda Been Scoreboard: 5-4 Crew.

Can we tell Brad Evans that Crew Stadium is actually in California? In three Cali games this season, Brad has both of his goals. Someone needs to get that memory zapper stick from Men In Black...

68:09 - Another close up of Brad Evans cast a weird shadow on his face, and it caused me to stumble onto a revelation: Brad Evans would look badass with a mustache. Just throwin' that out there.

70:01 - Robbie Rogers puts Chris Klein in a terrible position, and Klein fouls Rogers in the box, setting up the penalty. Great move by Rogers. Sigi, if you read this, please put Robbie up top. I'll buy you ice cream sundays for the rest of the season.

A great thing about this foul was that the L.A. Announcers had just finished talking about how Chris Klein never makes costly mistakes. Haha.

Also, as soon as this penalty occured. I knew two things:

1. Guille was taking it
2. He would bury it straight up the middle.

Guille will almost always put the PK dead center under the crossbar.

And he did both. Crew tie it up 2-2. SBS: 6-4 Crew.

74:30 - Beckham sends a cross to Donovan, who croses it into the six, only to be swept away by Chad Marshall. Keen touch there by Marshall, who has scored an own goal doing that kind of clearance in front of the goalmouth.

74:55 - On the ensuing corner, Alan Gordon nearly put the Crew back down by a goal, as he hits a header just wide of the goal. So close in fact, that the LA Announcers thought it went in, and paused to double check. It's not going on the SBS (Shoulda Been Scoreboard) because Willie had it covered. I think.

75:37 - Nico Hernandez comes off for Mr. Asuza Pacific, Steven Lenhart. Can't decide to make a Truffle Shuffle or Cabbage Patch joke here, so I'll go with neither for now.

77:15 - Anyone else ever notice that when Alejandro Moreno walks, he looks like someone walking barefoot over a hot surface?

79:16 - I stand corrected: The L.A. Announcers are saying that Gordon had a goal waved off for a shove in the box. Umm...no. Five minutes and 3 replays later, they have no idea the shot was wide of the net and never went in, regardless of the foul. Pity, I thought these guys were OK up until this point.

80:14 - Landon Donovan doesn't like the call against Edson Buddle for elbowing Chad Marshall in the head, and firmly shakes his head in disgust. The camera was too high, but I'm pretty positive there was a minor footstamp as well. Can we get X-Mo to confirm, please?

81:50 - David Beckham dives like a Navy Submarine, and draws a PK in the box.

Regardless of the fact that it was a clear dive (if you don't belive, check the replay), how in the wolrd did Beckham get THAT wide open at the top of the box? When he received the ball, there was no one within 6 yards of him. If you're a defender and you can't find David Freaking Beckham, it might be time to look into another position. Or profession.

82:30 - In a continuing state of stupidity, the L.A. Announcers say Beckham was "taken down from behind." If by "from behind" you mean, "by stepping on Danny O'Rourke's planted foot" or "by the wind", you'd be absolutely correct.

82:34 - Dammit. Donovan buries the PK, and the Gals lead 3-2.

On the Shoulda Been Scoreboard, we're leaving that one off, because the ref should never have blown his whistle. It's still 6-4 Crew on the SBS.

86:34 - Abel Xavier takes out Robbie Rogers just outside the penalty area, drawing the yellow. Oh, if only Abel Xavier could be on every team the Crew face.

On the repaly, at first it doesn't look like Xavier did much to deserve a yellow on the initial tackle, but as he follows through, he whips his back leg around and clips Robbie Rogers. I'm guessing the ref was carding him for that, or for just having an absolutely dreadful haristyle.

87:33 - Schelotto sends it too somone (Carrol?) at the top of the box, who shoots on frame. Cronin knocks it down, but the Cabbage Patch Kid takes no time to pull the Crew level, tapping the ball home for the 3-3 tie!!! Holy Crap!!!

I loved everything about that, the shot, the way the Crew players reacted, and Lenhart standing up, puffing out his chest, and staring down all the L.A. fans. Great comeback by the Crew.

SBS is now 7-4.

89:46 - Edson Buddle passes to Beckham, who makes Ryan Junge lunge and miss, then proceeds to absolutely blow his chance 6 yards from the goal. He hit that ball about 90 feet straight up in the air. Bend it like Beckham, indeed.

In fact, we'll give that to him. Should Been Scoreboard: 7-5 Crew.

And that's how it ends. Crew 3, L.A. 3.

I have to say L.A. has clearly improved, as it seems that the entire team is learning to step up and not just rely soley on Beckham and Donovan. Buddle is looking better and better. That makes what the Crew did all the more impressive. Down two goals to a talented side on the road, the Crew fought and clawed back into it. Our young players (Rogers, Evans, Lenhart) made some key plays, and the Crew scraped together a quality tie while missing some key figures (Ekpo, Padula, Gaven).

Summer is going to be rough on the Crew, with some absences surely to follow through the Olympics and WC Qualifiers. Still, if the Crew can remain healthy, and get guys like Padula back, I think the Crew are going to be in good shape come playoff time. Also, other teams will be losing their key players for the same reasons, so it's good we're seeing signs of life from Lenhart, Evans, and others who will be around.

Next Week: Colorado.

El Stinko

By Smitty


Ezra Hendrickson is not enthused about the way the Crew have played the last two weeks.

The Crew came to Los Angeles apparently thinking they were about to have a pillow fight. That's the only explanation I can think of to explain why the Black and Gold came out and looked shocked that Chivas was running at them with a soccer ball at their feet. And sadly, the Crew could not withstand the barrage, falling 2-0 to the Goats. This game left me with more questions than answers, and could have resulted in a terrible hangover had I not extricated myself from the alcohol when I did. Below are some questions that keep ringing in my head, and the answers as I see them.

1. Why does Sigi seem to play for a tie on the road, and how can the Crew improve away from home?

This actually goes back long before Sigmund was the coach of the Crew. In fact, it's one of the reasons that got his ass fired at L.A. when they were at the top of the league. Sigi Schmid, for some unknown reason, is more than willing to bunker down and take the tie on the road. My guess is that The Rotund One leans on his strategy that his team should win at home and tie on the road, and takes anything more than a point on the road as icing on the cake.

Unfortunately, when your team hasn't scored in two games and all but 80 minutes of the third, bunkering down doesn't help re-light that scoring spark. And as Jericho so astutely pointed out on last week's podcast, it is impossible to win a game in which a goal is not scored for your team. Maybe Sigmund was hoping for Guzan to whiff on a goal kick, and the wind that blows through Guillermo's Mullet to somehow nudge the ball backwards into the net. But his current strategy of having Robbie, Moreno, and a bunch of honest-to-God midfielders isn't working, especially when teams have learned Robbie Rogers can't run past them if he's lying in a heap.

Answer: Change up the formations, and be more agressive against teams we've beaten. Defensively, we actually played BETTER than we did the first time with Chivas (only 2 goals instead of 3), but offensively, we need to be more agressive.

2. Why do guys who have consistently underperformed (Gaven, Ezra, Evans) continue to get PT while exciting young players (Moffat, Ekpo, Junge) sit on the bench?

This one again goes back to Sigi. I could scarcely belive Moffat was full 90 fit for that Open Cup match against RSL, yet there he was, only 4 weeks after having his cartilage stitched up. So why did he only enter as a 2nd-half sub on Saturday night? If they were unsure of his fitness, why not play him for only a half against Salt Lake? You have to put the best players on the field for league matches, and last night that was clearly not done.

As far as Eddie Gaven goes, I have defended him, but he is slowly turning into D-Mid at best material. I don't think you can justify putting him on the wing when he shows little effort to get forward. And even the times that he does, like in the New England game, his efforts in and around the box are not worth the time to document.

There's even less that's worth writing about Ezra Hendrickson's ability to perform even minimal duties on a soccer pitch.


Answer: Because of injuries and Danny O'Rourke's red card-induced suspension, the Crew are going to be very shorthanded against San Jose next weekend. If I'm Sigi, I get out my whiteboard, put Eddie Gaven in Brian Carrol's position, move Carrol to center back, and put Ekpo on the wing, and Junge at left back. I also encourage Ezra Hendrickson to take a long vacation. Then when Danny and Padula get back, I put Eddie on the bench, Ekpo on the wing, and set my DVR to record what would certainly be a scoring barrage.

3. Should we as Crew Nation be mad at Danny O'Rourke?

Answer: No. Danny got hacked in the box on that second goal, and the referees continue to turn a blind eye to some of our best players getting fouled, specifically Robbie Rogers. Trust me, Danny's foul on Atiba Harris was deserved (direct retaliation for the cheap goal and excessive celebration), well-timed (San Jose next week), and it had been building LOOOOONG before this game. If MLS doesn't sit some of these officials down and get them to call the games a little more fairly, you had better believe that guys like Frankie Hejduk and Adam Moffat will continue to take matters into their own hands to protect our players.

4. Are the Crew as good as their record indicates?

Answer: Yes. Say what you want about the last two weeks, but 19 points on 10 matches is fine with me. I really wanted to see us above 20 points before May was out, but that was just being greedy. While I have bemoaned this lack of scoring, we have been without some key players during this frigid stretch. Once everyone is back to full health, I believe the Crew will be a mid to upper level team. If we can add a proven striker, we're best in the league.

5. Can the Crew keep up with Chicago and New England?

Answer: The real question is, can the Crew stay healthy and weather the absences of key figures (Rogers, Ekpo, Hejduk) this summer. If so, then I have no doubt we'll be step for step with at least one of those two teams. Chicago could be the runaway Supporter's Shield winner if they add McBride, and New England has kept pace without some of their key figures. For Columbus to maintain pace, they will need another option at forward to assist Moreno and better defensive play than they are getting from the left side right now.

Let's put it this way...there's a good chance the East winner could be on 55 points or more by the end of the season. The Crew are not that team...yet. But with the summer transfer window opening up, I am praying that the Crew make the changes necessary to take the stench off of these last few weeks, and fully unlock the potential of some bright youngsters in Rogers, Moffat, and Hasmer.

Crew Nation: Holden Beach, NC

Greetings from Holden Beach, North Carolina. I am taking a much needed vacation with the fam, and getting a lot of sun. Unfortunately, I am staying at a place with no internet access. Still, thanks to a tiny ice cream shop in the tiny town of Shallotte that had free Wi-Fi, I was able to watch the Crew's 0-0 sister kiss with Toronto. I can't do the running diary this week, but still, I do have some thoughts about what I liked and disliked about the Crew's performance.

The Good:

- The Crew have taken 4 points in their last two road games, which has to be considered an improvement over the last three years.

- Will Hesmer got another clean sheet. And don't doubt for a second that he had the shot off the woodwork covered, because he did.

- The Reds were vastly improved since the last time the Crew played them. The Crew, meanwhile, were short-staffed, being without the services of Adam Moffat, Gino Padula, and even Stefani Miglioranzi. With Toronto always being tough at home due to their crappy field and annoying fans, points are welcome. While it's disappointing to not get the full three, the Crew remain unbeaten in the last 6 games, and are a tie away from getting to 20 points before the month of May ends.

- Chicago lost, puting them three behind us. The Crew could have a six point lead on New England as well, depending on what happens in our major tilt this weekend weekend.


The Bad:

- The Crew continue to have trouble creating space on Field Turf. Our offensive chances were not really dangerous as much as they were "mildly offensive". Which works in both senses of the phrase.

- Sigi's substitution policy continues to baffle.

With Brad Evans and EZ on the field, Sigi couldn't go with his normally absurd subs. Instead of making the natural, most logical sub (Ekpo for Gaven), Sigi pulls the Jed Zayner card out of his hip pocket. He then proceeded to eat his last two subs. Having little internet acces this weekend, I haven't even read his postgame comments, but my guess is that his reasoning is that he wanted to stay conservative since we had a point on the road. This shouldn't be a shock, as the Rotund One is notorious for being conservative on the road. And you can't argue with taking points in away stadiums. Still, I can't decide if Sigmund's tentative road gameplan is brilliant or negligent.

- Toronto's fans. Sure they were loud at times, and they are the only other fan base that even comes close to throwing as many streamers as Columbus. But there were LOOOOONG stretches where the 20,000 Crimson Idiots were stone silent. Guess they don't know what to do when the physical evidence on the pitch doesn't jive with their nonsensical delusions.


The Ugly:

- Ezra Hendrickson. We love you EZ, you've always given it your best, but you are not first team material anymore. I'm sorry.

Whew, that was rough, but I think it went well. Now, can we please get our Gino back? We not only lose good defense without Padula; the offensive threat he brings is undeniable. An with Mr. Kick Medic coming to town next weekend, we will need both to keep pace with the Revs.

- Eddie Gaven's offensive chances. While he continues to play solid defense, at some point, he has to produce offense to justify his spot in the best eleven. And on Saturday he continued showing less and less in the offensive third. He played shots that should have been crosses at least 4 times. He also was lax in making support runs. We can make the playoffs with how he's playing now; we could be MLS champs if he plays to his supposed capability.

- We did mention the Toronto fans, right?

Overall, Toronto played one of their best games ever, the Crew played mediocre at best, and the score was still 0-0. I'll take that. Next week, the Crew will get their toughest home challenge yet. This will be the first true six-pointer we've had this season. Plus it's Buck-a-Brat night, so you'll have to evolve a third hand to hold your brat, your beer, and your streamer this weekend. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some beach soccer to play...

Morning Afterthoughts: San Jose

The Crew rolled into the cozy confines of Buck Shaw stadium to face San Jose on Saturday night. And the Crew were so much better than the Quakes, they only needed ten minutes to win the game. As always, I'm rewatching the Crew's 3-2 victory to see what I might have missed while at Ruby Tuesday, and keeping a running journal. Enjoy!

PREGAME

- Welcome to Buck Shaw Stadium! Unfortunately, the broadcast MLS TV is posting online is the San Jose hometown broadcast. And even though we're not watching the Columbus feed, I'll go ahead and mention how disappointed I've become with Dwight Burgess. I used to love hearing him call the game, but this season, it's as if he's looking for something negative to say about the Crew, even when they win. Obviously, no one wants a cheerleader in the booth, but he could at least pretend he's excited for the way the season has started.

Also, he's not down with the streamers, so that's another big check in my book.

- The San Jose broadcast just showed the Crew's starting XI, with Miglioranzi in the middle, then when they went to show the San Jose lineup, they showed the Crew's lineup again, but this time with Ekpo in the middle. Technical glitch, but obviously Crew fans weren't the only ones who thought that would be a good idea...


FIRST HALF

:47 - The announcers just mentioned that Brian Carrol was a SJ Quake for about 2 minutes before his rights were traded to the Crew fo Kei Kamara. Yeah, I know it's early, but I'm becoming more and more happy with that trade. Carrol has anchored our midfield, while Kamara has continued aiming for the scoreboard when he's in front. And I mean the physical scoreboard, 80 feet above the goal...

3:38 - The color analyst for The San Jose Earthquakes Television Network just said that he gave Danny O'Rourke some tips about not fouling in the box this week. Yeah, I'm sure Danny didn't know that. The thing I always think about when color analysts pretend they know it all is this: You're not playing anymore. The guys on the field are still playing. They know what they're doing. Unless they're Eric Denton...

5:42 - The first corner kick of the match. There were a lot of these.

7:17 - The broadcast team (I didn't get their names) just said Sigi was at the UC Santa Clara gym before the game shooting hoops. Mr. Color Analyst says "He doesn't look like much of a basketball player..." That's funny, because you two don't sound like professional announcers. We're making all kinds of discoveries today.

7:35 - James Riley gives a forearm shiver to Robbie Rogers, who was about to blow right by the Quakes defender. And our crack broadcast team in the booth? Yeah, they're calling it a professional foul. Even after the replay clearly shows a foul that would have gotten called in the NHL. Fortunately, the ref knows enough to show yellow.

9:05 - I just saw a shot of Nick Garcia and Alejandro Moreno walking next to each other. Their respective numbers are 3 and 10. This reminded me of the movie "3:10 to Yuma", which, when it came out, I kept confusing with the movie "No Country for Old Men", mainly because I wanted to see both. Then I realized, Nick Garcia looks like the retarded guy in NCFOM.

11:49 - Corner kick number 2. GBS sends the ball in, and EZRA OLD MAN FREAKING HENDRICKSON somehow manages to put a beautiful header on frame. And by beautiful, I mean drop dead, knockout, 10 out of 10, gorgeous beauty of a shot. I could make love to that shot.

Unfortunately, the shot did everything right but go in, as it just hits the top of the crossbar. But Ezra placed it about as good as you can for it not to go in. He had Cannon and company completely frozen. Shame it didn't go in.

14:10 - Corner number 3

14:23 - Corner number 4

15:03 - Corner number 5. Incase you didn't notice last night, there were a TON of corner kicks. I think it might have set a record.

16:30 - Corner number 6 (This one for San Jose). Ezra nearly scores again, but this time, on his own end. Fortunately, he missed that one too. But that clearance led to...

16:49 - Corner number 7

18:48 - Kei Kamara takes a shot just outside the box, which gets defelcted into being a better shot than it would have been, knowing Kamara. The deflection nearly beats Big Willie, but it goes just wide, leading to...

19:10 - Corner number 8.

19:53 - Eddie Gaven send a nice ball into the penalty area, right to Miglioranzi's foot, but he does a terrible job with it, and it's cleared away. Just wanted to point out that Gaven wasn't invisible in this game.

21:28 - Corner number 9.

21:55 - Guille gets open on the left side, crosses to Moreno, who flicks it across the goal box, but no one is making the backside run. That's one area Robbie Rogers could use some work on. He needs to make the backpost run more than he does.

But rewatching this game, it's becoming evident the game could have been 10-2.

23:30 - The San Jose color guy just said "He's also got a new haircut", speaking of Peguero.

"Not now chief...it's f*ckin' gametime..."

28:37 - Now this is classic. The broadcast clearly shows Miglioranzi down on the ground with an injury, and the broadcast group can't stop talking about the great run that someone just made. Finally, they notice Miglioranzi and mention he's down, then go right into talking about buying tickets for the next home game.

No, seriously guys, it's fine. He might have just ripped his quad from the bone for all we know, but please, tell me more about "Remember When Landon Donovan Played For Us?" Bobblehead night. Asses...

30:38 - Corner number 10.

31:59 - Frankie sends a great cross into the box, which gets headed away by Nick Garcia. Creeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Corner!

32:29 - Corner number 11.

32:37 - The stadium is so quiet, you can clearly hear one of the players yell "Who we got? Someone get a f*ckin' man!"

Anyone want to cost Comcast Bay Area $5,000? Call the FCC at 1-800-Big-Brother.

Oh, and by the way...

32:49 - Corner number 12, 7th for Columbus.

34:23 - Brad Evans takes another great cross from Frankie and almost puts it in the near post. Every time I see Brad, I'm reminded of that sign someone put up last year that said "Brad Evans, Down on the Farm."

34:57 - We can't say exactly what part of his body Ezra used to block that cross, but lets just say it rhymes with the word "Modem".

By the way, an all-time great moment occured at Ruby's last night. We see the replay of Ezra getting slammed in the junk, everyone says "ooooh" at the same time. Then, a brief silence, until someone blurts out "C'mon Ezra! Rub some dirt on it and get back out there!" Classic.

Ezra's now infamous "cock block" led to...

35:32 - Corner number 13.

35:55 - Just learned that these two dolts broadcasting the game are John Schrader and Troy Dyak. I think John Schrader was the guy from Dukes of Hazard. No idea who Troy Dyak is though...

37:27 - Just wiki'd Troy Dyak. Apparently, he played his entire career as a central defender for the Quakes, owns an alfalfa farm, and his nickname is "Cowboy."

39:44 - Uh-oh. Schrader is bringing up the fact that Denton used to play for the Crew. *Blood begins shooting from eyes...*

41:27 - And right on cue, Eric Denton smacks a ball off one of the Crew defenders, and it goes out for the corner...

41:53 - Corner number 14 is headed in for the goal by Ramiro Corrales. 1-0 Quakes. As much as I hate it, that was a spectacular play. Carrol did all he could with Corrales, and yet he somehow snuck it right under the crossbar.

43:13 - Wow, that's an interesting stat. Since 2000, San Jose is 62-3-9 when scoring first. I don't even want to think about what Columbus' record is in that category.

And the first half ends. I was not happy at this moment.

SECOND HALF

46:55 - Kei Kamara shoves Chad Marshall into the boards, where Marshal gets curbed on the Microsoft sign. Kamara immediately gets up and starts acting like a douchebag. This 2008 version of the Sierra Leone native is a little more of a punk than I remember.

Also, as Marshall is laying on the ground in obvious pain, Schrader (the announcer) says, "Looks like Marshall is taking a little break." Yeah John, I'm sure that's what a guy who suffered from post-concussion syndrome is doing after getting thrown head-first into the boards.

49:13 - Hesmer makes another sick save from a Ronnie O'Brien shot. Still playing down a man at this point. Lots of drinking was occuring at the bar around this time.

49:47 - Marshall makes it back onto the field. Dyak comments, "That look on his face, I've seen that before, and it's a look that says, 'I don't feel so good right now'." Thanks, Cowboy.

51:01 - Almost forgot...Corner number 15, and it's for the Crew. That gets headed over the endline by a Quakes player, which leads to...

51:24 - Corner number 16. Once again sent out by the Quakes, leading to...

51:43 - Corner number 17. Wow. I mean wow. The Crew have had more chances to score than Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend after she's "had a few".

52:55 - Eddie Gaven lays it off for Frankie Hejduk, who sends in a beautiful cross that Brad Evans heads well over the cross bar. I didn't notice how much Gaven and Evans were involved in the offense last night (outside of Evan's goal obviously). Good to see those guys stepping up.

54:22 - Rogers goes down in the box, but no call. But we do get...

54:41 - Corner number 18. If we'd have done a shot everytime there was a corner kick, someone might have died.

54:55 - Hey, there's Ned Grabavoy! He just blocked one of Frankie Hejduk's shots with his face. It did deflect out though, so you know what that means...

55:27 - Corner number 19. It's the 12th of the game for the Crew. This corner was pushed out to Frankie, who should have had a goal of the week. He sends a spectacular little lob shot from the 18 yard box, which Joe Cannon barely tips over the net. Cannon may have made the save of the week.

55:55 - Oh..right. Corner number 20. By the way, all the Crew's corners resulted in zero goals tonight. Honestly, I don't even know if you make them practice at this point, how much more practice can you get than what they got in the game?

56:48 - Kamara has all the time in the world, and he attempts to cross, and instead blows it well over the endline. the touch was so bad, announcer-guy Schrader says, "Kamara....(kick)...and it's knocked out of bounds....by San Jose..." It looked like a deflection, for God's sake! Once again, we turned Kei Kamara into Brian Carrol. Who's angry about this?

59:57 - Talk about coming back to haunt you...

The announcers have been talking about the San Jose groundskeepers wetting down the field before the game. Well, apparently it was still pretty slick, as Joe Cannon slips as he was making a clearance, allowing Moreno to get the ball with the keeper on his back in the six. Unfortunately, Moreno was so far in, he could only manage to cross the ball across the front of the goal.

61:28 - Gaven gets the ball blocked past the endline on his attempted cross. You know what time it is...

61:47 - Corner number 21, Crew corner number 15.

62:47 - Ronnie O'Brien flips the ball just past Will Hesmer, but also just wide of the goal. And the goalscoring machine that is Kei Kamara is NOT pleased! Kamara is seen in the replay clearly chewing out O'Brien. The announcers, to their credit, take Kamara to task for complaining because, essentially, he sucks ass.

63:32 - Hey, lookie there! Crew Corner! It's number 22 overall, and number 16 for the Crew.

Of course, it didn't result in a goal, but still good to know.

67:01 - Loved this exchange by the announcers:

Schrader - "Rogers has been kind of bottled up here tonight. Not as much space to run as he might have liked."

"Cowboy" Dyak - "Yeah the field is smaller than some of the others in the league."

Schrader is clearly paying a compliment to the San Jose defense, and Cowboy thinks he's talking about the width of the field. Stupendous work gents. Also, nevermind the irony here...

By the way, Robbie Rogers turns 21 on Monday, so feel free to buy him a drink for all his hard work in the game.

67:25 - First Emmanuel Ekpo sighting.

68:28 - Ekpo in for Gaven. I know Gaven probably hates it, coming off so early, but I really like this strategy. Gaven spends the first 2/3rds of the game wearing down the midfield, which creates tons more space for a slightly more creative and much fresher Ekpo. Not a bad move there Sigi.

70:01 - Ezra does the running, and gets rewarded with a ball in the box, which he firmly deposits right between Joe Cannon's legs. Couldn't decide to go with a "ball" or "box" joke there.

Also, that is the second play in the same game involving EZ and testicles.

70:42 - Another great pass through the middle, and Brad Evans heads it onto goal, where Cannon makes another great save. So, let's count. We have:

1. Ezra's header off the bar
2. Brad Evan's first header
3. Frankie's lob shot
4. Moreno's almost goal off the Cannon mistake
5. Ezra's ball buster
6. Brad Evan's 2nd header

Nevermind the 16 corners we had to this point. And we STILL scored three goals! I was saying that ficticiously earlier, but now I'm convinced, this game SHOULD have been 10-2.

71:06 - Sorry, make that 17 corners for the Crew and 23 overall.

72:30 - Still amazed by that goal by Rogers! Emmanuel Ekpo steals the ball on the sideline, passes to Carrol who dumps it right back to him. Ekpo takes a touch and sends a gift wrapped through ball to the sprinting Robbie Rogers, who takes one touch, and goes five-hole on a defenseless Joe Cannon. 1-1 Crew.

Everything was textbook on that play: the tackle, the first pass, the return, the through ball, and the finish. Looked like they were running it in practice.

77:00 - Schelotto hits a free kick that once again requires Cannon to make a tip save over the bar. I'm starting to get legitimately angry that the Crew didn't win 10-2.

77:35 - "Mr. Corner Kick," as the broadcast group call Schelotto, take corner number 24, and his 18th of the game. That's gotta be a record. San Jose clears for another corner kick for the Black and Gold.

78:02 - 18th corner for the Crew, and 24th overall, which Marshall can't do anything with. I hope his head is ok.

79:54 - Moreno slides a pass through what looked like all 11 members of San Jose. Robbie Rogers carries it past Joe Cannon, who looked completely lost, and nudges it home for the 2-1 lead!

And Ruby Tuesdays almost fell in on itself at this point. I felt bad for the lame acoustic act that was trying to get through their set upstairs. It must have felt like playing a show directly above hell. A lot of swearing and gnashing of teeth, followed by shouting and screaming.

Also, kudos to Robbie Rogers on the fist-pumping slide celebration. He gets a 9 from me.

80:02 - Someone in the crowd is clearly heard over the broadcast group yelling "Goddammit!"

81:52 - One minute and 50 seconds later, Brad Evans gets on the board with a cracker of a shot that whistles right past the now suicidal Joe Cannon's ear and just under the cross bar. And guess who made the pass? Yep, Schelotto. You knew the wily Argentine was going to get in on the action after hitting 18 corner kicks to no avail. Crew lead 3-1.

Good to see Brad Evans get his first goal after having so many chances on the night.

83:54 - Schrader lets us know it's been 10 years since the Crew had a 5-game winning streak. He also sounds as if he has a gun in his mouth.

85:36 - Schrader is just reading liner notes at this point. He read one for Saag's specialty sausage in the 85th minute, and now he's reading one for KFC. He even cutoff the Cowboy, who was talking about how quiet the crowd got. Apparently, Schrader didn't even want to hear that noise.

86:12 - Moreno received the ball at the top of the 18, and could have put in goal number 4 on the night. But he stepped on the ball and fell. Oh well, just another feather in the "should have been 10-2" cap.

87:28 - Hesmer makes a nice save on Gavin Glinton's near-post effort.

87:39 - Hesmer just said clear as a bell, "Hey! Get in the f*ckin game!" to one of the defenders who let Glinton in. He was not happy.

87:53 - Corner number 25 results in a second goal for San Jose. Ryan Johnson heads the ball towards goal, and it glances off Frankie's noggin, and past Will Hesmer. I think Frankie was trying to redirect it out.

Also, both SJ goals came on corners. That's a problem.

STOPPAGE TIME:

- Ezra and Marshall clank melons, and both go down in a heap. Not good for Chad Marshall to get hit twice in the same game. Also, Kei Kamara elevates himself from "junior prick" to "Senior Dickbag" status by screaming at the two of them to get up, as he thinks they are wasting time.

Well, they probably are milking it, but to be fair, Ezra looked like he was taking some stitches.

94:19 - Game over! Crew win 3-2!!!

What a great game. The Crew should never have let it be this close, but you can't argue with their ten-minute domination that left no doubt who the best team on the field was. Also, the Crew have reached 6 wins faster than ever!

MOTM is Robbie Rogers without a doubt. Happy Brithday son, drinks are on us.

Next week: Toronto, part 2. Are you going?