Many of you good Hooligans duly celebrated your Sabbath on Saturday, doing no work, and worshipping at the Church of Lamar as the Crew came back to earn a point against the evil Chicago F*re 2-2. Last night at that fabled steel shrine, in the absence of Pope Sigmund the Round, we saw many sins committed: lazy defending on the part of Deacons O'Rourke and Iro, officiating that was inconsistent and willfully ignorant, even the atrocious no-no, committed by Cardinal Warzycha, of subbing out a defender for...Lord, forgive me in advance... a FORWARD!
As the Crew faithful sing Hallelujahs about our comeback tie-almost-win-thingy, many are exalting the praises of one Emmanuel. And to be sure, Saint Ekpo is worthy; his passion and speed have ignited this team over the last few months. But many of the brethren are commiting an act of blasphemy by not acknowledging the one true savior:
And they will call him "Guille."
Last night, with a coniving, deformed, soothsayer of a false prophet on the other side of the pitch, Guillermo Barros Schelotto showed why the teams he has played on have reached the promised land 15 times during his professional career. He showed while magic and coniving can get one so far (you listening, Blanco?), true heart and wisdom will persevere at the end of the day. He showed that where there is nothing, he can create something.
Fortunately, we don't have to rely on hearsay and rumor to confirm the wonders of Guille. We have video proof:
Guille takes a free kick and comes within a foot of putting in a goal of the week.
Guille with another near GOTW. This play was headed nowhere, yet Guille nearly puts in a miracle.
Guille finds a wide open Chad Marshall in the box. Marshall should get 40 lashings for missing such a simple goal.
Guille fools everyone but Hejduk on a beautifully weighted pass, which Hejduk and Miglioranzi nearly tuened into the winner.
After taking the ball of a F*ire foot, Schelotto nearly draws a PK. Guille giveth AFTER taking away.
By the way, did I mention Guille provided the assists on both goals? He now leads the league with 8 assists on the season.
Many have been led astray by false prophets (Blanco, Beckham, even an "Angel"), but as for me and my house, we will stand with Guillermo. Clearly, the best player on the field Saturday night was wearing Black and Gold.
Thank God.
Morning Afterthoughts: Worshipping a False God
The Return: Smitty's Morning Afterthoughts
Schelotto draws the Crew level. (AP Photo/Danny Moloshok)
As some of you may have noticed, I have not been posting very regularly over the last couple of weeks. This has mainly been to a Massive home improvement project I'm working on, as well as some internet outage.
However, as an atonement for my lax posting and missing my Silly Game Preview the last few weeks, I have decided to do a running blog of my Morning Afterthoughts from rewatching the game. I haven't done that in a while, mainly because it takes about 4 hours to watch a full game, because of all the pausing and writing. Not complaining, just saying, I'm doing this for you. Really.
As Michael Bluth would famously say, "Here we go..."
Soundtrack: Weezer - Make Belive
Beverage: Sam Adams Irish Red
Mood: Relaxed
PREGAME
Welcome to the Home Depot Center! It has been quite the oven in L.A. this week, and in describing the field temps, our two intrepid Gals announcers have the following exchange:
Announcer 1: "Tonight's temperature is 89 degrees, and a humidity of 39%. I went to junior college for 5 years, does that mean it's going to be sticky?"
Announcer 2: "I think it's going to be pretty sticky out there. These guys will get a lather worked up pretty quickly, out there in between the lines."
Number one, that sounds disgusting. And number two, if this is what passes for "sticky" heat in L.A., then I'm done listening to West Coast types complain about heat. Come to Columbus when it's 90 degrees and 90% humidity, and tell me about "sticky".
Also, did anyone else see, "You don't mess with the Zohan?" It was sticky as well.
FIRST HALF:
2:28 - Guillermo Barros Schelotto takes his first corner kick, and places it completely on the other side of the box. Just out of curiosity, if Guille keeps hitting thses crosses so far wide, shouldn't we stick someone back there?
3:25 - Poor clearance by the Crew almost leads to the first Galaxy chance. Chad Marshall attempts to clear the ball off the six, but Danny O'Rourke's hand gets in the way. Fortunately, the ref did not call the inadvertant palm, but the ball did sit in the box for what seemed like a minute before O'Rourke cleared out to the side.
3:41 - And the poor defense continues. David Beckam sends in a cross, which causes William Hesmer to come off his line to attempt a save. The ball skips of Hesmer's fingertips, leaving Donovan alone with the ball and an open net. 1-0 L.A.
I'm still not sure what Hesmer was complaining about. Beckham's dead-on cross off a side volley drew Hesmer out, and he and Donovan collided mid air, but it was a 50-50 ball. Unless Hesmer was complaining that he was distracted by Donovan's odd hairline, he really didn't have an argument.
5:59 - Speaking of hair, we get our first closeup of Mr. Hydrogen Peroxide himself, Abel Xavier. My wife watched this game with me last night, and asked me three times if Xavier had some kind of weird diease.
6:25 - Nico Hernandez takes the 3rd Crew corner of the game, with much the same result as the previous two: nothing. As for his hair, let's just say that Hernandez looks like he hasn't had a shower ever.
7:25 - Guille gets clocked by Mike Randolph. I believe that defensive tactic is typically referred to as "the slamdance."
7:49 - On the ensuing freekick, the Gals announcer says "Here's where Columbus is dangerous.." Umm...since when? We are watching the same Crew team, right?
9:25 - Ladies and gentleman, your reality check on Ryan Junge. As David Beckham brings the ball down the right, Junge sits on him and leaves an overlapping run for Klein wide open. Of course, Beckham plays a great ball that Klein crosses into the box, where Donovan nearly backheels for his 2nd goal. Very, very aestetically pleasing soccer by the Galaxy.
16:16 - Just a thought, as Will Hesmer takes a goal kick: How about we go down Robbie Rogers' side once or twice, eh?
19:20 - Hey, what do you know? Robie Rogers gets his first real touch in the offensive third, and we get a corner. Fascinating, this stuff called "strategy".
20:58 - Nicolas Hernandez plays a smart ball over the top to Moreno, who has acres to run at goal. As he gets near goal, he shakes a closing Galaxy defender, leaving him within 10 yards and only the keeper between him and tieing the game up 1-1. Instead, Moreno crosses to a mass of 37 L.A. defenders, who clear the ball for a Crew corner.
I'm sorry. I meant CREEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW CORNER!
22:28 - Beckham hits one from 30 yards out that nearly beats Hesmer. Fortunately, it was about 3 feet too high, and ended up a goal kick.
Also, according to Posh Spice, it's one of the few times in life Becks has been accused of being "too long".
23:06 - Great play off the goal kick. Schelotto gets a lucky bounce and scoots into the box, where he put what looks like an errant shot across the goal face. Thing is, Robbie Rogers came storming in and gets the ball about two feet off the line, causing Cronin to make a diving save.
As a side note, I like how Robbie slammed the ball home after it had clearly gone out of bounds. Keep shooting Robbie, you'll be leading the league in goals soon enough.
24:47 - Schelotto gets slammed in the back of the leg by Sean Franklin, just outside the penalty area. Danny O'Rourke shouldn't feel bad, as L.A. has quite a few guys who commit very stupid fouls in and around the penalty area.
26:02 - The L.A. Announcers (which by the way, would be an awesome band name) just made the astute point that Schelotto's free kick, which was about two feet wide, was taken at such an angle that it would have been better to have a left footed player take the shot. Unfortunately, the Crew really don't have a lefty with the accuracy of a guy like Schelotto or Becks, save for maybe Gino Padula.
Though he only played in a few games, I remember thinking, "When Gino gets fully into form and learns how the team plays, he's going to be very good on offense as well as defense." Let's hope he gets back soon.
28:51 - Robbie Rogers was two steps behind Chris Klein, but ended up running around Klein and getting in front to force an errant cross. Speed kills and Robbie has it in spades, which I think means "shovel-fulls". Whatever.
29:42 - Beckham with another gorgeous cross, and this time Buddle gets on the end of it, all alone in the box, but shoots just wide.
In case your keeping track, the "Shoulda Been" score is now 2-1 (the Crew's goal either from Moreno's cross or Schelotto's cross).
31:30 - Franklin, Duke of Hedjes was very lucky not to get his 5th yellow (and auto suspension) for a poor challenge on the right side. Say what you want about the challenge, but it was right of Mr. Mark Geiger to keep the yellow in his pocket. Frankie Hejduk is still National Team and the capitain of the Massive Columbus Crew. Players like that deserve the benefit of the doubt once in a game, and Frankie got it. Good no call.
34:00 - The first real HOLY S*** sequence that didn't result in a goal against the Crew. Ante Jazic sends a ball into the box that gets knocked around until Edson Buddle ends up with it at his feet inside the penalty area. Brad Evans literally runs Buddle over, a play that clearly could have been called a foul, and thus a penalty, but no call is made.
Play continues, and the ball is crossed in, where Frankie Hejduk attempts a clear, only it lands at the feet of Landon Donovan inside the box again. Landy-cakes makes a clear mistake and shoots three feet wide of a completely empty far post.
Shoulda Been Scoreboard: LA 3 Crew 1.
39:55 - Beckham and Pires challenge Schelotto for a header. Only problem is, they both lead with their elbows, and the Argentine does what he does best: draw fouls. Sadly, this one was on Pires; it easily could have been on Beckham.
41:24 - Schelotto with another good series of moves to get through 3 defenders and put a cross in. He goes through people quicker than a Tabasco and chile sammich.
43:03 - Herbalife is the sponsor on the HDC video board, as well as the Galaxy jersey. Explain to me how they got a sponsorship for the Beckham team? You have Volkswagen, Glidden, Red Bull, and Best Buy as sponsors in this league, all very large corporations. Is Herbalife that big? Aren't they the company I always see people advertising on the back of their car windows? Somone needs to explain this to me.
43:40 - Nicolas Hernandez, whose nickname is now Vincent Vega, sends a nice ball into space for Robbie Rogers, who just misses a nice chip in goal over the head of Cronin.
Should Been Scoreboard, brought to you by Herbalife: LA 3 Crew 2.
44:47 - The Crew wait for what seems like a minute to get the ball on a throw in, which brings up a really annoying trend in MLS: ballkids who don't know how to throw a ball at players asking for it. I don't know if the problem is not enough balls sitting around outside the pitch, or the kids not having a clue about soccer, but either way, MLS needs to get more balls or smarter kids. Maybe they can have a Wonderlic test for the little tykes.
45:59 - Whistle. Halftime. Real score 1-0 LA. Shoulda Been Score: 3-2 LA. Really, the score holds up either way.
HALFTIME: On his way to the locker room. Landon Donovan gets asked by the sideline reporter how the Gals can improve in the 2nd half, and he responds with this:
"Well, we've been creating chances, but the problem is we're giving up some stupid balls in the back. If we can cut those out it makes it easier for us."
So, if you're keeping score at home on the Landon Donovan Checklist, we've already got:
- Scoring a cheap goal
- Missing a sitter
- Throwing his teammates under the bus
And it's only the first half! All we need now is "stamping feet in anger" and "not really celebrating because he didn't score the goal" and we'll go 5-5. I feel good about our chances.
SECOND HALF
46:00 - And just like that, it's 2-0. Edson Buddle makes Danny O'Rourke look more like an L.A. Galaxy defender, breezing by him and burying a knuckleball shot past Will Hesmer. Great goal by Buddle. He may finally be coming into his own. Then again, we said that about 10 times during his career when he was in Columbus, only to see him never quite live up to it. But on this L.A. team, where he doesn't have to be the focal point of the offense, he's doing very well.
Shoulda Been Score: 4-2 LA.
Also, I didn't see Donovan anywhere near the celebration. Check.
47:20 - I was looking for some razor blades and emo CDs at this point watching the game. Not a good feeling.
48:18 - Franklin Hejduk sends a nifty ball up the sideline for Mr. Seven Nation Army. Moreno beats his man and gets off a shot, but it was an easy save for Cronin. If Moreno crosses that ball, he hits a "Oh my God, I can't believe how wide open I am" Robbie Rogers, who buries it in the back of the net.
Ah, what the hell: Shoulda Been Scoreborad, presented by wishful thinking: 4-3 LA.
49:15 - Moreno gets ANOTHER shoulder/handball call, his 2nd of the game in 3rd in the last 3 games. He knows you can't do that, right?
52:40 - A cross by Schelotto and header by Marshall leaves the ball at Moreno's feet inside the six with no one between him and goal. Unfortunately, his one touch goes wide.
Should Been Scoreboard, now presented with 100% confidence: 4-3 LA.
54:40 - Nico Hernandez uncorks one from the top of the 18, but it goes just wide left. Not a bad effort though.
56:10 - Robbie Rogers pulls the same move on an LA defender that Edson Buddle did earlier to score his goal, chipping the ball around the right of the defender, and going left around the defender to beat him to it. The difference is, Rogers was near the left touch line, while Buddle was within 15 feet of the goal.
The kid has good crossing skills, and his defense is solid, but if we could add one more midfielder with some defensive abilities, Robbie Rogers should be our other forward in a 4-4-2. He is just too good to leave him outside serving balls into an empty box.
56:55 - Chad Marshall does well once again with a corner, putting it on frame where it's stopped by a defender. Only problem is, the defender was Ryan Junge. Junge was like Michael Jackson at a Kids 'R' Us half-off sale: Wrong place, wrong time.
The good thing is, Columbus is attacking very well.
61:24 - Nicolas Hernandez sends another good ball over the top to the hard-charging Moreno. Moreno gets in one-on-one with Cronin, but the puts the shot well wide to the far post.
As a veteran forward, Moreno MUST do better with that. No excuse to miss that wide. Cronin did a good job of cutting down the angle, but that was poorly shot. Also, any thoughts that maybe Hernandez should be playing in the Adam Moffat or Eddie Gaven roles? He's laid a few nice passes in over the top during this game.
Oh also - Should Been Scoreboard: 4-4
62:40 - The L.A. Color Announcer (not such a good band name) just said that Columbus is slightly better than San Jose, but just barely.
I realize the West Coast guys can't seem to grasp that life happens outside of California, Washington and Oregon, and that the Crew just lost to San Jose 2-0, but good God Almighty, let's be realistic. The Crew are 2nd in the East, while San Jose in the worst team in MLS with only 11 points on the season. The table doesn't lie. Please keep this in mind.
65:21 - Robbie Rogers nearly beats Cronin from outside the 18, as the ball deflects off an LA defender. It's not going on the Should Been Scoreboard, but it was close.
66:30 - Alejandro Moreno gets his head on a Guille cross. The ball bounces off the face of Pires, and to the feet of Brad Evans, who nearly rips the net in half with his side volley. 2-1 Crew!!!
Shoulda Been Scoreboard: 5-4 Crew.
Can we tell Brad Evans that Crew Stadium is actually in California? In three Cali games this season, Brad has both of his goals. Someone needs to get that memory zapper stick from Men In Black...
68:09 - Another close up of Brad Evans cast a weird shadow on his face, and it caused me to stumble onto a revelation: Brad Evans would look badass with a mustache. Just throwin' that out there.
70:01 - Robbie Rogers puts Chris Klein in a terrible position, and Klein fouls Rogers in the box, setting up the penalty. Great move by Rogers. Sigi, if you read this, please put Robbie up top. I'll buy you ice cream sundays for the rest of the season.
A great thing about this foul was that the L.A. Announcers had just finished talking about how Chris Klein never makes costly mistakes. Haha.
Also, as soon as this penalty occured. I knew two things:
1. Guille was taking it
2. He would bury it straight up the middle.
Guille will almost always put the PK dead center under the crossbar.
And he did both. Crew tie it up 2-2. SBS: 6-4 Crew.
74:30 - Beckham sends a cross to Donovan, who croses it into the six, only to be swept away by Chad Marshall. Keen touch there by Marshall, who has scored an own goal doing that kind of clearance in front of the goalmouth.
74:55 - On the ensuing corner, Alan Gordon nearly put the Crew back down by a goal, as he hits a header just wide of the goal. So close in fact, that the LA Announcers thought it went in, and paused to double check. It's not going on the SBS (Shoulda Been Scoreboard) because Willie had it covered. I think.
75:37 - Nico Hernandez comes off for Mr. Asuza Pacific, Steven Lenhart. Can't decide to make a Truffle Shuffle or Cabbage Patch joke here, so I'll go with neither for now.
77:15 - Anyone else ever notice that when Alejandro Moreno walks, he looks like someone walking barefoot over a hot surface?
79:16 - I stand corrected: The L.A. Announcers are saying that Gordon had a goal waved off for a shove in the box. Umm...no. Five minutes and 3 replays later, they have no idea the shot was wide of the net and never went in, regardless of the foul. Pity, I thought these guys were OK up until this point.
80:14 - Landon Donovan doesn't like the call against Edson Buddle for elbowing Chad Marshall in the head, and firmly shakes his head in disgust. The camera was too high, but I'm pretty positive there was a minor footstamp as well. Can we get X-Mo to confirm, please?
81:50 - David Beckham dives like a Navy Submarine, and draws a PK in the box.
Regardless of the fact that it was a clear dive (if you don't belive, check the replay), how in the wolrd did Beckham get THAT wide open at the top of the box? When he received the ball, there was no one within 6 yards of him. If you're a defender and you can't find David Freaking Beckham, it might be time to look into another position. Or profession.
82:30 - In a continuing state of stupidity, the L.A. Announcers say Beckham was "taken down from behind." If by "from behind" you mean, "by stepping on Danny O'Rourke's planted foot" or "by the wind", you'd be absolutely correct.
82:34 - Dammit. Donovan buries the PK, and the Gals lead 3-2.
On the Shoulda Been Scoreboard, we're leaving that one off, because the ref should never have blown his whistle. It's still 6-4 Crew on the SBS.
86:34 - Abel Xavier takes out Robbie Rogers just outside the penalty area, drawing the yellow. Oh, if only Abel Xavier could be on every team the Crew face.
On the repaly, at first it doesn't look like Xavier did much to deserve a yellow on the initial tackle, but as he follows through, he whips his back leg around and clips Robbie Rogers. I'm guessing the ref was carding him for that, or for just having an absolutely dreadful haristyle.
87:33 - Schelotto sends it too somone (Carrol?) at the top of the box, who shoots on frame. Cronin knocks it down, but the Cabbage Patch Kid takes no time to pull the Crew level, tapping the ball home for the 3-3 tie!!! Holy Crap!!!
I loved everything about that, the shot, the way the Crew players reacted, and Lenhart standing up, puffing out his chest, and staring down all the L.A. fans. Great comeback by the Crew.
SBS is now 7-4.
89:46 - Edson Buddle passes to Beckham, who makes Ryan Junge lunge and miss, then proceeds to absolutely blow his chance 6 yards from the goal. He hit that ball about 90 feet straight up in the air. Bend it like Beckham, indeed.
In fact, we'll give that to him. Should Been Scoreboard: 7-5 Crew.
And that's how it ends. Crew 3, L.A. 3.
I have to say L.A. has clearly improved, as it seems that the entire team is learning to step up and not just rely soley on Beckham and Donovan. Buddle is looking better and better. That makes what the Crew did all the more impressive. Down two goals to a talented side on the road, the Crew fought and clawed back into it. Our young players (Rogers, Evans, Lenhart) made some key plays, and the Crew scraped together a quality tie while missing some key figures (Ekpo, Padula, Gaven).
Summer is going to be rough on the Crew, with some absences surely to follow through the Olympics and WC Qualifiers. Still, if the Crew can remain healthy, and get guys like Padula back, I think the Crew are going to be in good shape come playoff time. Also, other teams will be losing their key players for the same reasons, so it's good we're seeing signs of life from Lenhart, Evans, and others who will be around.
Next Week: Colorado.
Crew Nation: Holden Beach, NC
Greetings from Holden Beach, North Carolina. I am taking a much needed vacation with the fam, and getting a lot of sun. Unfortunately, I am staying at a place with no internet access. Still, thanks to a tiny ice cream shop in the tiny town of Shallotte that had free Wi-Fi, I was able to watch the Crew's 0-0 sister kiss with Toronto. I can't do the running diary this week, but still, I do have some thoughts about what I liked and disliked about the Crew's performance.
The Good:
- The Crew have taken 4 points in their last two road games, which has to be considered an improvement over the last three years.
- Will Hesmer got another clean sheet. And don't doubt for a second that he had the shot off the woodwork covered, because he did.
- The Reds were vastly improved since the last time the Crew played them. The Crew, meanwhile, were short-staffed, being without the services of Adam Moffat, Gino Padula, and even Stefani Miglioranzi. With Toronto always being tough at home due to their crappy field and annoying fans, points are welcome. While it's disappointing to not get the full three, the Crew remain unbeaten in the last 6 games, and are a tie away from getting to 20 points before the month of May ends.
- Chicago lost, puting them three behind us. The Crew could have a six point lead on New England as well, depending on what happens in our major tilt this weekend weekend.
The Bad:
- The Crew continue to have trouble creating space on Field Turf. Our offensive chances were not really dangerous as much as they were "mildly offensive". Which works in both senses of the phrase.
- Sigi's substitution policy continues to baffle.
With Brad Evans and EZ on the field, Sigi couldn't go with his normally absurd subs. Instead of making the natural, most logical sub (Ekpo for Gaven), Sigi pulls the Jed Zayner card out of his hip pocket. He then proceeded to eat his last two subs. Having little internet acces this weekend, I haven't even read his postgame comments, but my guess is that his reasoning is that he wanted to stay conservative since we had a point on the road. This shouldn't be a shock, as the Rotund One is notorious for being conservative on the road. And you can't argue with taking points in away stadiums. Still, I can't decide if Sigmund's tentative road gameplan is brilliant or negligent.
- Toronto's fans. Sure they were loud at times, and they are the only other fan base that even comes close to throwing as many streamers as Columbus. But there were LOOOOONG stretches where the 20,000 Crimson Idiots were stone silent. Guess they don't know what to do when the physical evidence on the pitch doesn't jive with their nonsensical delusions.
The Ugly:
- Ezra Hendrickson. We love you EZ, you've always given it your best, but you are not first team material anymore. I'm sorry.
Whew, that was rough, but I think it went well. Now, can we please get our Gino back? We not only lose good defense without Padula; the offensive threat he brings is undeniable. An with Mr. Kick Medic coming to town next weekend, we will need both to keep pace with the Revs.
- Eddie Gaven's offensive chances. While he continues to play solid defense, at some point, he has to produce offense to justify his spot in the best eleven. And on Saturday he continued showing less and less in the offensive third. He played shots that should have been crosses at least 4 times. He also was lax in making support runs. We can make the playoffs with how he's playing now; we could be MLS champs if he plays to his supposed capability.
- We did mention the Toronto fans, right?
Overall, Toronto played one of their best games ever, the Crew played mediocre at best, and the score was still 0-0. I'll take that. Next week, the Crew will get their toughest home challenge yet. This will be the first true six-pointer we've had this season. Plus it's Buck-a-Brat night, so you'll have to evolve a third hand to hold your brat, your beer, and your streamer this weekend. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some beach soccer to play...
