Coyote Ugly

1) (adj.)- A morning-after revelation that the woman you just slept with is so ugly that in order to leave you'd rather gnaw your own arm off than wake her.

2) (noun) - A craptastic movie whose only saving grace is Tyra Banks gyrating on top of a bar. Of course, this is a pre-neurotic break Tyra Banks.

3) (adj.) - An appropriate modifier to the Crew's Saturday night in New York.

But let's face it kids, despite the fact that Chicken Little seems to have been born in Columbus, the sky is not falling. We just need a little toughness. All the talk that we got from the players leading up to the season opener about how this team needs the play mean and nasty just didn't work on Saturday in the Swamp. The Crew got manhandled and pushed around.

Paging Andy Herron. Andy Herron, yellow courtesy phone.

Remember this, kids?


Where was that when we needed it on Saturday night? The biggest guy on the field (Oh Chad, I'm speaking to you now) gets pushed down, foul or no foul, in the box and a goal is conceded while Chad is sitting on the ground whining about it. To me, this situation can be summed up in our latest in the string of Major League references:



"YOU HAVE NO.... MARBLES!"

Toughness, gentlemen. That's what we want to see. We want the opposite of the fair play award. We want the freakin' Chuck Norris award for beating the shit out of the opposing teams. If you concede a PK, we want the guy who is fouled to think he just got hit by Ray Lewis on a crossing route. We want him to feel that hit every morning for the next week. Toughness, gentlemen. Get it done.